Let me pause right up front... because I feel the need to remind you that this platform is my place to work out thoughts... NOT a place where I claim to have THE answer. You may not agree with my 'take on it' at all... and that's ok. Truthfully, as I continue on the journey - I may not even agree with these words. But, for today...
I am finding myself in one of those seasons where God keeps bringing me to the same topic... repeatedly. I am thankful He is so very patient with me... especially when I seem to be so very slow to 'get it'!
Recently, our small group broke past some of the common social barriers & got down to a rather meaty convesation. (LOVE THAT!!) We started to dig into this idea of 'middle ground'. (If you've read my last couple of posts, you'll definitely recognize a theme here!) So, I am again in thought over this subject.
There were many facets to the conversation... but one honest & real comment has my full attention at the moment. It went something like this... "I'm not sure about this 'no middle ground' idea... because I don't see that I am all in -OR- all out. So, where does that leave me?"
Indeed! Who among us can deny this thought? I certainly can't (and I've got the blogs to prove it!).
So, I'm wondering what exactly the definition of "ALL IN" really is? Not in a 'what's the minimum I can do' sort of way.... but as a true self-examination of where I'm at, spiritually speaking.
We might all be tempted to define "ALL IN" by action...
..serving at the soup kitchen every weekend
....going off to a far away land to be a missionary
......committing to giving a huge monthly dollar amount at church
........renouncing our culture's norms to live a 'simple' life
Even though those things might be present in an "ALL IN" life... the danger of identifying one or more of those actions as "ALL IN" is pretty clear. When we use this sort of 'checklist'... we are smack dab in the middle of legalism. Really, this thinking just promotes the idea that you can actually achieve perfection... I mean, what arbitrary number of items on the checklist will it take to reach "ALL IN"? 1? 5? 10? That's not something I find in the Bible.
And, if there isn't a 'magic number' of items to check off... won't there always be at least one more thing I can "DO"? Is it possible to "DO" it all? And, if I can't "DO" it all... then, am I really "ALL IN"? Wow, what a little hamster's wheel *that* is.... it sounds exhausting physically & spiritually.
Hmmm... so, if my actions alone can't get me to the "ALL IN" line... then what does?
What about my motivation for the actions? What if the "ALL IN" line is crossed not at the moment I DO "great" things for Him.... but at the moment of choice to follow Him wherever He leads... to trust Him, come what may. Isn't this the very picture of relationship with God? Me, taking my meager offering (laying down the life HE gave me in the first place)... and in return, He guides me by His perfect plan.
I think that's pretty close... except it sounds like a one-time-shot. One choice, once & for all. I don't know about you... but that's not my experience. Mainly because... I keep waking up. And many of the choices I made yesterday... well, they are back in front of me again today. Just because I chose to trust Him yesterday, doesn't mean I won't crash & burn today.
*sigh*
So, honestly - I'm just not sure what the answer is to this question. I have had moments where I could say with 100% certainty that YES, I AM ALL IN! I've had a taste of it, and I have to say - there is joy & peace there!
But.... then, I have those *other* moments that aren't so "inspirational" for anyone around me!
Maybe that just makes me an "ALL IN".... in progress.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
staying dry...
Personally, I think this post will make the most sense if you read my previous one before you read this one. But, hey... if not, I can summarize it pretty quickly: I talked about the realization that I was camping out in a 'middle ground' that doesn't really exist.
...hmmm, wait. 'Realization' is a nice, pleasant word, but it does make it sound like something "I" did... so instead, let's say... this:
"I talked about getting smacked up side the head with the fact that I was camping out in a middle ground that doesn't really exist."
Ok... yes, that's much more accurate!
So..... anyway, what does that mean exactly, you ask?
Yeah.... good question! I asked it, too. What came to mind is this... you can be NEAR water, but if you want to experience it fully - you have to get wet. There is NO middle ground there... you either stay dry or you get wet. Period.
The following piece comes from that thought.
(and, yes - I realize if you know me... this hiking/camping analogy is a stretch... but just go with it!)
Here I am on my trail... heading for a campsite. I've learned about an amazing waterfall... and I HAVE to go! And, I'm not "just" going - I'm going ALL OUT. I mean, sure... I could have stayed back at the cabins where "the tourists" stay... but I'm serious about this. I am ALL ABOUT this waterfall experience - unlike "those other people", I want to experience it completely.
So, I hike. Pretty soon, I come to a ridge with the most amazing view. Seriously... AMAZING! I can see it, I can hear it. I can take breath-taking photos. And... as I survey the area, I begin to realize how smart I would be to camp here. In fact, I can see now that it has been used often by previous campers. Why, this just might be "the" perfect campsite! And the best part is, my stuff won't get wet from the waterspray. Of course, that wasn't really my original plan, but now that I'm here... I'm starting to see how much better this would be!
For a brief moment, I think about what I set out to do. I remember how I was really looking forward to feeling that spray of water on my face and how I wanted to reach out my hand & touch the falls! But... I quickly decide this is a lot more sensible. After all, I'm so close - I can hike over there in a matter of minutes. I guess you might even call this "middle ground". Kind of perfect in a way, now that I think about it. Not back at the cabins with "those people". And, not camped out IN the water (I mean, really - who does that?) Yeah... middle ground sounds just about right.
So, I unpack. Set up. Arrange. Prepare. I take breaks here & there... and snap off about a thousand pictures. I am so drawn to that view! I even spend some time watching others who made it to the base of the falls.... they seem to really enjoy the feel of being there. But, now that I've set up camp.... I'm realizing that it's not all that convenient to go over there myself. I've got all this stuff here (it's some good stuff, you know!) - I can't just walk off & leave it unprotected. I would take it with me, buuttt... it's pretty heavy. And, well... I *just* unpacked it. And, now that I think about it, a lot of this stuff would be ruined if it got wet. I decide to think about it some more...
While I'm thinking it over, I want to make sure & use my time wisely... so I busily work around the campsite. After hanging up that hammock, it would seem a shame not to use it... and the sunshine is so nice & warm... very peaceful. Sleep comes so very easily...
As the sun moves across the sky, I wake up with a quick glance at my watch - whew! Where's the day going? Like it or not, the trip will come to an end... but it's still early enough. I should really hike on over the base of the falls... if I'm going to do it at all. Buuutt... now, I'm realizing that I am kind of hungry. I don't guess I'm really prepared to go right this minute.... and there's still this *stuff* to think about. So, while I'm thinking.... I get busy preparing my meal. (Don't you just love the smell of a good campfire?)
And, then I'm busy eating my meal.
And, cleaning up after my meal.
And, resting after my meal.
Ok. I've given this enough thought. You know what? I'm just going to hike over to that waterfall right now. As I grab my boots & start to put them on... I notice someone rushing up to my campsite with a sense of urgency. It's a uniformed soldier and he says that I have to leave immediately. There's a wildfire headed straight for my campsite & there is not a minute to waste. Well, wait a minute, I say... I don't see anything, I don't even smell the smoke... surely there's time for me to get over to that waterfall. I mean it's the whole reason I came here. It won't take long at all, I'm so close!
Sorry, he says. Orders are to leave immediately. Shocked & saddened, I nod and start to gather my stuff. No, he says... you don't understand. I mean immediately... and with that, he whisks me out of the campsite, empty handed. At once, I realize that all of my belongings... all of my stuff.... those things that I fretted over, hovered over & protected... they are now gone forever, just like my chance to have that waterfall experience. Had I only realized that they were truly just temporary... that I would lose them anyway, maybe I would not have let them keep me from the part of the trip that was most important!
And, another thing occurs to me now, too... that there really wasn't any such thing as 'middle ground', after all. There was simply the choice to stay dry... or go get wet.
...hmmm, wait. 'Realization' is a nice, pleasant word, but it does make it sound like something "I" did... so instead, let's say... this:
"I talked about getting smacked up side the head with the fact that I was camping out in a middle ground that doesn't really exist."
Ok... yes, that's much more accurate!
So..... anyway, what does that mean exactly, you ask?
Yeah.... good question! I asked it, too. What came to mind is this... you can be NEAR water, but if you want to experience it fully - you have to get wet. There is NO middle ground there... you either stay dry or you get wet. Period.
The following piece comes from that thought.
(and, yes - I realize if you know me... this hiking/camping analogy is a stretch... but just go with it!)
Here I am on my trail... heading for a campsite. I've learned about an amazing waterfall... and I HAVE to go! And, I'm not "just" going - I'm going ALL OUT. I mean, sure... I could have stayed back at the cabins where "the tourists" stay... but I'm serious about this. I am ALL ABOUT this waterfall experience - unlike "those other people", I want to experience it completely.
So, I hike. Pretty soon, I come to a ridge with the most amazing view. Seriously... AMAZING! I can see it, I can hear it. I can take breath-taking photos. And... as I survey the area, I begin to realize how smart I would be to camp here. In fact, I can see now that it has been used often by previous campers. Why, this just might be "the" perfect campsite! And the best part is, my stuff won't get wet from the waterspray. Of course, that wasn't really my original plan, but now that I'm here... I'm starting to see how much better this would be!
For a brief moment, I think about what I set out to do. I remember how I was really looking forward to feeling that spray of water on my face and how I wanted to reach out my hand & touch the falls! But... I quickly decide this is a lot more sensible. After all, I'm so close - I can hike over there in a matter of minutes. I guess you might even call this "middle ground". Kind of perfect in a way, now that I think about it. Not back at the cabins with "those people". And, not camped out IN the water (I mean, really - who does that?) Yeah... middle ground sounds just about right.
So, I unpack. Set up. Arrange. Prepare. I take breaks here & there... and snap off about a thousand pictures. I am so drawn to that view! I even spend some time watching others who made it to the base of the falls.... they seem to really enjoy the feel of being there. But, now that I've set up camp.... I'm realizing that it's not all that convenient to go over there myself. I've got all this stuff here (it's some good stuff, you know!) - I can't just walk off & leave it unprotected. I would take it with me, buuttt... it's pretty heavy. And, well... I *just* unpacked it. And, now that I think about it, a lot of this stuff would be ruined if it got wet. I decide to think about it some more...
While I'm thinking it over, I want to make sure & use my time wisely... so I busily work around the campsite. After hanging up that hammock, it would seem a shame not to use it... and the sunshine is so nice & warm... very peaceful. Sleep comes so very easily...
As the sun moves across the sky, I wake up with a quick glance at my watch - whew! Where's the day going? Like it or not, the trip will come to an end... but it's still early enough. I should really hike on over the base of the falls... if I'm going to do it at all. Buuutt... now, I'm realizing that I am kind of hungry. I don't guess I'm really prepared to go right this minute.... and there's still this *stuff* to think about. So, while I'm thinking.... I get busy preparing my meal. (Don't you just love the smell of a good campfire?)
And, then I'm busy eating my meal.
And, cleaning up after my meal.
And, resting after my meal.
Ok. I've given this enough thought. You know what? I'm just going to hike over to that waterfall right now. As I grab my boots & start to put them on... I notice someone rushing up to my campsite with a sense of urgency. It's a uniformed soldier and he says that I have to leave immediately. There's a wildfire headed straight for my campsite & there is not a minute to waste. Well, wait a minute, I say... I don't see anything, I don't even smell the smoke... surely there's time for me to get over to that waterfall. I mean it's the whole reason I came here. It won't take long at all, I'm so close!
Sorry, he says. Orders are to leave immediately. Shocked & saddened, I nod and start to gather my stuff. No, he says... you don't understand. I mean immediately... and with that, he whisks me out of the campsite, empty handed. At once, I realize that all of my belongings... all of my stuff.... those things that I fretted over, hovered over & protected... they are now gone forever, just like my chance to have that waterfall experience. Had I only realized that they were truly just temporary... that I would lose them anyway, maybe I would not have let them keep me from the part of the trip that was most important!
And, another thing occurs to me now, too... that there really wasn't any such thing as 'middle ground', after all. There was simply the choice to stay dry... or go get wet.
Monday, November 2, 2009
can we just be real?
I want REAL. Like the kind of WANT a 2-yr-old, tantrum-throwing child has when she is only satisfied with that one beloved toy & throws everything else to the ground. I want 'real' from those around me and I want it from myself.
And, that's why I haven't posted in a while, I guess. It's not that I haven't had time... and it's not exactly that I've had 'writer's block'. I've even started a couple of pieces that I suspect will stay in 'draft' mode forever... and more than a few that I just erased completely. There was just nothing where I could feel any real depth. And, as much as I love you joining me on this blogging project (all 3 of you!! *lol*)... in my heart, I know that I am not doing this for an audience. My purpose here (as best as I know it) is simply to raise my hand and point to something I see God doing. (With all emphasis, of course, on God - not on me.) For me, He is what's real - and it's getting harder & harder to settle for less.
So, all that just begs the question... "What is God doing around my life right now?" With a build up like that, I better have something pretty good, right?
Well, here's the REAL answer for you: I only wish I knew! I am certain He's working, but I'm getting to see only little glimpses right now. For instance, here is my latest little glimpse of this picture He is creating in & around my life. I write it knowing very well that it may lose just about everything in the translation... that it is likely something that only interests me. But, today I feel the need to point to what I see Him doing.... without regard to how it might "read".
Sunday morning, I just happened to check in on a friends blog. I never (let me think here... yep, that's right - NEVER) get on the computer before church on Sunday morning. And, thinking about it... landing on that blog seems now almost completely random. I love her blog (thanks, btw, Jess!), but it had been a while since I had checked in on any blogs. I read a bit, caught some new thoughts she's just learned from her Beth Moore study (always love a good Beth Moore-inspired post!)... and get about half way down the page. Ohhhh... cool... she linked a Casting Crowns video!
I absolutely love CC... and low & behold... it's one of my all-time favorite songs, Somewhere in the Middle. One that's not on the radio too much, but goodness knows I've worn out that cd track. And here's another interesting twist... as many times as I've listened to that song - I don't guess I've ever looked at the words while it was playing. This just happened to be one of the youtube videos with just sound & lyrics. (Are you catching all of the "just happened to be's" yet??)
So, even though I've heard the song too many times to count, I'm actually soaking in the lyrics in a new way. And, then... one particular comment in her blog catches my attention. Talking about fear, she wrote... "This is where I’ve staked a tent and camped out for WAY too long now. ”Somewhere in the Middle.” Knowing all that He’s done, and yet not fully trusting in all He’ll do."
This really struck a chord for me. Hard to explain, but it was both in a way that was all-at-once and yet seeming to confirm something I knew all along. Yeah, I get it. I've really been camped out in this middle ground too. Not exactly in the same way my friend was describing, but definitely a middle ground of my own. Too far into this relationship with God to even want to go back, but still holding back from those last few steps to the 'all in' line. My middle ground. I went so far as to add a little comment to her blog about sharing that campsite... and realizing it was time to break camp.
Fast forward one hour. I'm now sitting in the sanctuary at church. The music has faded & our pastor begins to speak. THE...FIRST.... WORDS.... out of his mouth?
"Write this down: there is no middle ground."
(pause for effect here...)
So.... you're getting that, right? Well, even if you aren't.... I sure did! In fact, let's cut to re-play...
9am - realizing that I seem to be camped out in a middle ground (exact words)
10am - hearing from God (loud & clear!) that 'middle ground' (exact words)?.... well, it doesn't exist.
Now, that I've had a little time to soak in it... what I sense Him saying is something like this... "You are right about the need to break camp... but you need to know the truth about where your campsite REALLY is.... because you are WAY too comfortable in what you are calling 'middle ground'!"
I did say I wanted 'REAL', right?
And, that's why I haven't posted in a while, I guess. It's not that I haven't had time... and it's not exactly that I've had 'writer's block'. I've even started a couple of pieces that I suspect will stay in 'draft' mode forever... and more than a few that I just erased completely. There was just nothing where I could feel any real depth. And, as much as I love you joining me on this blogging project (all 3 of you!! *lol*)... in my heart, I know that I am not doing this for an audience. My purpose here (as best as I know it) is simply to raise my hand and point to something I see God doing. (With all emphasis, of course, on God - not on me.) For me, He is what's real - and it's getting harder & harder to settle for less.
So, all that just begs the question... "What is God doing around my life right now?" With a build up like that, I better have something pretty good, right?
Well, here's the REAL answer for you: I only wish I knew! I am certain He's working, but I'm getting to see only little glimpses right now. For instance, here is my latest little glimpse of this picture He is creating in & around my life. I write it knowing very well that it may lose just about everything in the translation... that it is likely something that only interests me. But, today I feel the need to point to what I see Him doing.... without regard to how it might "read".
Sunday morning, I just happened to check in on a friends blog. I never (let me think here... yep, that's right - NEVER) get on the computer before church on Sunday morning. And, thinking about it... landing on that blog seems now almost completely random. I love her blog (thanks, btw, Jess!), but it had been a while since I had checked in on any blogs. I read a bit, caught some new thoughts she's just learned from her Beth Moore study (always love a good Beth Moore-inspired post!)... and get about half way down the page. Ohhhh... cool... she linked a Casting Crowns video!
I absolutely love CC... and low & behold... it's one of my all-time favorite songs, Somewhere in the Middle. One that's not on the radio too much, but goodness knows I've worn out that cd track. And here's another interesting twist... as many times as I've listened to that song - I don't guess I've ever looked at the words while it was playing. This just happened to be one of the youtube videos with just sound & lyrics. (Are you catching all of the "just happened to be's" yet??)
So, even though I've heard the song too many times to count, I'm actually soaking in the lyrics in a new way. And, then... one particular comment in her blog catches my attention. Talking about fear, she wrote... "This is where I’ve staked a tent and camped out for WAY too long now. ”Somewhere in the Middle.” Knowing all that He’s done, and yet not fully trusting in all He’ll do."
This really struck a chord for me. Hard to explain, but it was both in a way that was all-at-once and yet seeming to confirm something I knew all along. Yeah, I get it. I've really been camped out in this middle ground too. Not exactly in the same way my friend was describing, but definitely a middle ground of my own. Too far into this relationship with God to even want to go back, but still holding back from those last few steps to the 'all in' line. My middle ground. I went so far as to add a little comment to her blog about sharing that campsite... and realizing it was time to break camp.
Fast forward one hour. I'm now sitting in the sanctuary at church. The music has faded & our pastor begins to speak. THE...FIRST.... WORDS.... out of his mouth?
"Write this down: there is no middle ground."
(pause for effect here...)
So.... you're getting that, right? Well, even if you aren't.... I sure did! In fact, let's cut to re-play...
9am - realizing that I seem to be camped out in a middle ground (exact words)
10am - hearing from God (loud & clear!) that 'middle ground' (exact words)?.... well, it doesn't exist.
Now, that I've had a little time to soak in it... what I sense Him saying is something like this... "You are right about the need to break camp... but you need to know the truth about where your campsite REALLY is.... because you are WAY too comfortable in what you are calling 'middle ground'!"
I did say I wanted 'REAL', right?
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