From A Heart on the Hill... looking up!

Overwhelmed

2011-10-07T10:36:00.006-05:00

The following blog entry was posted over at www.faithinbetween.com a few weeks ago... it finally dawned on me that I should at least get blog credit here, too! After all, I do have that twice-a-year blog quota to live up to... ;)

When Brittany first asked me to share a few thoughts with you here… I was thrilled! The very process of assembling words together is just one of those ways God wired me to experience enjoyment… I can get lost in it. For hours! Sometimes, though, the process can be a bit painful as God uses it to reveal a particular problem that needs attention. This particular project turned out to be one of “those” times.

As I mentioned, I started off with excitement, but after a few days of contemplation and a smattering of prayer, I found myself just staring at that blank page on my screen… wondering why in the world I had even thought I should do this. I had absolutely nothing to share! And, worse… now I was ‘stressing’ over it. If you’ll forgive the breach of grammar, I’m going to give that feeling a special name for a moment: overwhelmedness.

I do not welcome overwhelmedness… but, it has been visiting me quite a bit lately. It produces very tangible, physical symptoms… racing thoughts, muscle tension, and a stressful sensation that just seems to radiate from within my core. It feels very much like a switch that gets turned on without my consent. But, how can that be? I mean, I’ve memorized Philippians 4:6-7 and everything! When Paul says “Be anxious for nothing…” he seems to imply I have a choice in the matter. If it’s happening on a sub-conscience level… where’s the choice? I’ll just admit it plainly to you… I’ve had an argumentative tone with God on this one.

(I don’t recommend that position!)

And, just like that (did you hear the finger snap?) … sitting here, staring at the blank screen, it hit me. Instead of bemoaning this overwhelmedness & searching for ways to escape it, I should think of it in a different way.

Picture this movie setting with me:

we’re in the heart of the nuclear reactor control room. The employees are working frantically at their computer screens to save the world from the horrors of a nuclear meltdown. Red lights are flashing and that mind-piercing, pulsating, buzz-siren (used in every movie scene like this) is going off. Can you hear it? Can you feel that sound vibrating through your body?

…that’s what overwhelmedness is! It’s that warning sound… signaling that danger is imminent. Imagine how absurd it would seem in the movie… watching the employees scramble & fuss over how to shut down the siren, ignoring the fact that there was a reason it was going off. They turn off the siren… and it comes back on. They turn it off again… and it comes back on. It would almost be laughable, right? Except for the part where the meltdown actually happens and all is lost!

…Oh!

Ouch! I’m not the only one seeing this, right? That’s pretty much what I’ve been doing… just trying to shut down the siren - never even realizing that there might be a reason for it!

So… if this overwhelmedness is really just a warning… then, what is the danger it is alerting me to? As I contemplated the word ‘overwhelm’, a clue emerged from within the definition. (yes, I *am* a word-nerd… I’m good with it, let’s just move on!)

Somewhere at the root of this word is the idea of something being toppled & destroyed, as if by a big wave. Overcome. Overpowered.

Hmm… let’s walk through this, then: This increasingly frequent anxiety I’ve been feeling is a warning. I believe it is warning me that something is in danger of being overcome or toppled. But, what is that something?

I think it’s me!

Here’s why: I profess Christ as Savior and Lord in my life. Claiming Him as my Lord means that I give Him control of my life… He is in charge. If that is an active, ongoing reality in my life… all is safe! There will never be a wave that could overcome Him! It. can. not. happen!

But, here’s the thing: Although God is all-powerful, He doesn’t use that power to establish rule of our lives. He gives us free will to choose. If I usurp His seat of authority in my life (you know, take charge of things myself!)… guess who is going down? That would be me! I’m no match for the smallest of waves… much less the rolling, churning waves of stormy seas!

Wow. I just didn’t see this one coming at all!

So, as abruptly as this process started, it ends the same. For now… I’m just sitting with these thoughts and thinking through what changes I need to make… identifying the areas of my life where I have ‘taken charge’. The fact that He has brought me here to share this process with you tells me that some of you may be dealing with similar issues. If so, I would love to hear what thoughts have been stirred within you... ♥ ~d

...choosing the gift

2011-01-28T10:06:00.011-06:00

I came here not really sure what to report about 'my one word' progress... at first glance, I wanted to say that it's not really coming along very well. I certainly don't spend as much time thinking about the word 'choose' as I thought I would. But, on closer inspection, it might be going better than I think.

A couple of weeks ago, by seemingly random occurrence, I came across a book entitled 100 Bible Verses Everyone Should Know by Heart by Robert Morgan and it has become an instant favorite for me. What really makes the impact, I think, is the first 1/4 of the book. He doesn't just jump immediately into the verses, but instead steadily builds a case for the practice of scripture memorization. I was totally sold by the first few pages!

It doesn't take much reflection for me to recognize that "hitting home" feeling as God's work within my heart. I love it when God places a feeling of excitement & joy within my heart... 'cause it's just a flat-out amazing feeling! Way better than anything I conjure up about the insignificant things of the world I am often drawn to. I'm not sure I can really put it into words adequately, but there is a huge difference between my joy and His Joy. They're not even in the same ballpark, friend!

Anyway... I absolutely believe He led me to this book, this idea... in His timing. Everyone, of course, is familiar with the idea of memorizing scripture. It certainly doesn't require any further explanation - but what was different was the connection that I felt inside my spirit to CHOOSE that particular discipline right now. I almost hate to use the word 'choose', because it's really more of a "want to" than a "choose to". I was drawn to it like... well, like me to a piece of chocolate cake! (sorry, give me a sec... I totally cracked myself up by typing that!! *LOL*)

But perhaps, in the daily walk... it does require me to choose. I have to choose to keep the idea in front of me on an ongoing basis. I have to choose to practice & recite... even when my day is busy. I have to choose to be proactive & find the techniques that work best for me. I have to choose daily to pace myself, not give way to the urge to race through the book. (I prefer to devour books, so that's a toughie for me.)

And, as I consider it more closely... perhaps the biggest challenge I will have is to choose to keep this effort before Him at all times - to keep it part of my relationship with Him. I can't be tempted to run off & try to accomplish "for" Him. I don't think that is His intent.

Because, as I continue to think here through my keystrokes... I am seeing that He is clearly the one doing the work within me: He has given me the desire - I didn't create it myself. Plus, He is giving me the ability to recall more scripture already than I first thought possible - I'm positive that's not my own doing. (Seriously - I've hit a stage in life where my memory is noticeably weaker than a few years ago... so, I know He is providing in this area!) And, He is showing me different areas of my life in which I could incorporate His Word that I wouldn't have thought of on my own.

That's an incredible gift, really.... and, not so hard at all to choose!

If this has in any way whet your appetite to investigate the book I am referring to... you can get a decent peek into the book at this link:

http://www.amazon.com/Bible-Verses-Everyone-Should-Heart/dp/1594153418

Choose this day...

2011-01-16T09:41:00.016-06:00

wavering (v): to sway to and fro; flutter.... No, that's not my word, but it is descriptive of "My One Word" journey. In other words, I've had a hard time 'locking in'. I started off with a general idea, but it took a while to 'boil down' to the true essence of what (I believe) God was placing in my heart. There were a few places along the way where I could have stopped & chosen a word that was a little more comfortable... but I've learned that doesn't usually have the best outcome. Especially when I sense God is encouraging me to go beyond that place.

So, "My One Word" for the upcoming year, is packed with a little more challenge: Choose.

choose (v): to select freely and after consideration.

I'm drawn to the fact that it's a present tense verb. Whenever you utter it, there is a sense that you're acknowledging you have options before you NOW. It's kind of a demanding little word, actually - it expects an immediate answer. For me, that can be a little uncomfortable.

To provide a little contrast... if I think of the word "choice", I think of a decision already made, or a decision yet to be made. That word seems to give a little 'wiggle' room... it's all about something that's either done & over with... or, something that is still off in the future. That's much more comfortable... I like things that can wait until tomorrow. And, truthfully... I can easily ignore a word like that. Put it on the shelf for 'later'.

I really liked the word "purpose" for a while... it was such a nice, cozy noun. I could have crawled up there & took a year-long nap. I also liked the word "deliberate" (as in the adjective describing someone who considers carefully)... great description, but still not demanding much. Yes, it would call me to strive towards a particular character quality... but, I think God was calling me to more. I sensed Him saying... "contemplation is good, but you need to incorporate a little more action." I needed a verb. A word of action.

I'm reminded of a portion of Joshua 24:15... "Choose this day whom you will serve..."

Every day I wake up & draw breath... is "this day". Each day, I choose... will I serve my Lord by following His path for my steps? Or, will I choose to follow my own comfy-cozy plans? Either I make the conscience decision for Him, or I make the default decision for 'self'.... but, I can't forget that either way... I choose.

So, now it's your turn. Some of you have shared 'your word' already, but if not... I'd love to hear from you (comments below, facebook, in person... whatever.) I hope to be able to share how God is using this process in my life during the upcoming year...And, I would LOVE to hear of ways that God is moving you & growing you through this process, too.

Let's choose to encourage one another!

(If you want to use the comments section below, you don't have to have a blogger account - just use the 'anonymous' tag. It helps me connect your post with YOU, though, if you leave a name or initials inside your comment.)

My One Word

2011-01-09T12:49:00.008-06:00

I guess I should, at least, acknowledge how long it's been since I was last here... but let's not waste good time & words on that. Is everyone ok with that? (crickets chirping) Ok, then... good! Moving on.

For several years now, I've been moving away from the standard 'new year's resolution' idea little by little. I mean, really... what's the point? Do you ever hear people talking about their resolutions in, say... April? September? I don't!

But, there is still a part of me that enjoys the newness of January. Remember new school supplies every September? They were just exciting in a way. Crisp, clean & inviting. How about a brand new car? Pristine & flawless. It all represents a new beginning, a fresh start. Who doesn't like that?

So, not wanting to totally give up that perspective, I have decided to give this a try for 2011: My One Word.

“My One Word” is an experiment designed to move you beyond the past and look ahead. The challenge is simple: lose the long list of changes you want to make this year and instead pick ONE WORD. This process provides clarity by taking all of your big plans for life change and narrowing them down into a single thing. One word focuses on your character and creates a vision for your future.

This idea/movement is led by a church in North Carolina. If you want to check out loads of info/resources/encouragement at their website, you will find them at myoneword.org.

I know it's not for everyone, but this idea appeals to me on a couple of levels. One is simplicity... and I really like simplicity! My memory's not exactly what it used to be, but I think I can still manage to keep one word in my mind. With a small amount of effort, I could probably hang on to one word for a whole year. (...plus, there are always sticky notes - and how many words do you have to actually write down?? Just one! See the beauty of this thing??)

It also appeals to my "it's just the way God made me" side... because I am really fond of words. I try to keep a dictionary handy when I'm reading or writing... because I actually *enjoy* using it. And, not many things thrill me more than the chance to learn deeper meanings in God's Word based on word studies. ...So, go ahead - call me a word nerd... I choose to embrace it.

For me... it's just a good fit! I clearly see the opportunity for this to grow & branch out during the year. I may start out seeing my word in one light right now, but end up seeing it in a completely different way in December. Different definitions, different connotations, different applications... they could all come into play with this exercise.

I also see potential for growth & (shudder) change in this process... and, is that always nice & comfy? Uhhh.... decidedly, no! Think "exercise" here - is that easy & without struggle? The answer is absolutely no... so don't even try to lie to me or yourself. (And, for the record, NO - 'exercise' is definitely NOT my word!)

But, if God is in charge of the change, though... is it always for the better? Yes. Without a doubt!

OK, yeah... let's actually talk about that for a minute. I can't help thinking this will be completely useless if I am not praying & inviting God to lead the work. Actually, that is the whole point of this! If not, I'm just back to my old ways - listing out things & trying to accomplish them in my own power. And, besides - inviting God to lead this makes it infinitely more interesting & exciting! Seriously, do you know my God?? He is AMAZING! He can take the smallest, most seemingly obscure point & manifest it into total & complete life change - if you just allow Him to. If you don't yet know Him, I highly encourage you to make your one word "Jesus" this year. Pray & ask Him to open up your heart & mind to all that He has for you within that one Name. Simple enough, yes? Oh - and, don't forget to keep me posted - I can't WAIT to hear about that adventure!

So, as for me... I've spent a few days thinking about my word. Then, I prayed about it - and got a different one! :-)

I'll check back soon to tell you a little more about it. But, for now... why not think about your own word and pray about it? I would love to hear your thoughts... you can leave a note here, or catch me on facebook. I would love some company along for the journey!

Anyone else in?

Life lessons on the boat...

2010-06-01T09:33:00.060-05:00

OK, I'll just say it: I have water issues. Actually, it's a strange love/hate relationship I have... because one of the most ideal settings I can imagine is a pristine beach hideaway. Something deep inside of me is drawn to that. I very much enjoy walking along the water's edge. I dearly love the sound of the roaring ocean or the gentle lapping sound of the lake. I could sit & fish for hours, if the conditions were right. And, watching a sunset on the water? Nothing better!

But, then there's the other side to that coin. I won't infect you with my curse, but let me assure you... I have an ample supply of very dark imagery in regards to the depths of the average lake or river. I have absolute respect for the sheer power of God's oceans... and don't see any valid reason to get much farther out than knee deep in them. And, don't even get me started on the creatures that reside below sight level of any body of water. I am in awe of God's amazing creations under there... but, interacting with them in their environment? Um mm... no!

Over the years, though... I've learned to reconcile these conflicting thoughts & feelings fairly well. It pretty much goes like this: I enjoy what I enjoy & I avoid the rest..... and I'm good with that! Really! I don't care to be cured of this malady. The rest of the world (including my water-loving husband) is certainly free to engage in their obviously senseless water behaviors... I'll even smile & wave from my nice, relaxing (likely canopied) position from the shore! ...Live it up, crazy people!

(I say that last part in my head... just so there's no hurt feelings!)

And, that all worked pretty well for me until a few years ago... when I became a mom. After only a short few steps into this parenting thing, it became pretty clear that my control systems were going to be challenged. You see, all of the coping skills and carefully placed parameters I had incorporated into my life regarding this subject worked great for me... but, I instinctively knew it wasn't something I wanted to hand off to my children. On the other hand, if water dangers loomed large in my mind before I had children... I promise you the monsters were now infinitely larger! Any parent will tell you... the moment you have a child, danger to your child far outranks any danger to self.

So, what's a land-lover to do here in the heart of Texas... a place with more lakes & rivers than you can shake that proverbial stick at??!!

Worse yet, what's a water-phobic mom to do when her husband excitedly acquires a boat "for the kids" ??!!

Sigh... yes, a boat! In case you're not familiar with this thing, it's a device created specifically for taking you & your beloved offspring away from perfectly solid ground... causing you to hover precariously by a matter of inches over dark, ugly lake water to which there is no bottom. You heard me: None!

And, just to up the ante.... sometimes you do this at really fast speeds! Or, you tether said-offspring BEHIND the boat and drag them around the lake ... Golly, there's just no end to that FUN !!

Sorry, that just had to be said....

But, back to my question... what's a mom to do?

She gets on the boat... and she prays!

She prays for the safety of her children & husband... he is driving the boat, after all. But, that's just a start... (Pray without ceasing?? No problem... well, off shore, at least. Funny how a little pressure can make that MUCH easier, huh?!)

She also struggles with every fiber of her being to hold her critical tongue with her husband... running, instead, in prayer to tattle on him to her Heavenly Father. (As a sidenote, ladies... I don't recommend clinging to that tattling attitude too long - but in dire circumstances, it's definitely a start! Remember, God's not out to change your husband through your prayer - He's out to change you! Let Him!)

She notices the futility of her white-knuckled grip on the side of the boat & confesses her desire for control. She repents of the fact that her desire for control is at it's core... well, a lack of faith in Him. That is... until a few minutes later, when she notices that grip & has to do it all over again.

She prays for a peace beyond anything she can understand, as she pours out her fears before Him in her heart. Each and every fear... as it bobs it's ugly head to the surface.

As a peace settles in, she is able to look around her environment & see some other prayer needs... She might pray for God-given wisdom for those young boys that are surveying the cliff's edge over some questionably shallow water. And, the children that seem unsupervised over at the shore.

She sees the happy faces of her own little ones as they enjoy the day God has given them... and prays to actually enjoy their joy.

And, as she finally is able to enjoy the best part of the outing (you know, those last few moments of pulling up to the dock).... she prays a heartfelt prayer of thanks that all went well.

Finally back on dry ground... she gives a spiritual nod to God, saying "Whew! thanks!! You were really great out there! It was awesome the way I could really feel you out there with me!

As she walk away, she calls over her shoulder "...it's OK, I got it from here... but, seriously - thanks again!"... and she thinks "...you know, it's a shame that prayer couldn't be like that more often."

...or, could it?
Draw near to God and He will draw near to you (James 4:8)

Make the time...

2010-02-01T17:20:00.012-06:00

Here's how my day started today: Got up with no time to spare... just like every other morning. Rushed the kiddos thru their morning routine, rushed out the door to get them to school on time. My plan was to then rush back home to get in my morning prayer time before heading out into the rest of my day. Sounds great so far, huh?? :(

Well, I had dropped off one kiddo at school & was en route for the second drop-off. Our sweet little community doesn't really have traffic... but there is one spot that gets a little tricky at times & can cause a little driver stress. I don't always encounter that spot, but today I did.... and I received a nasty little honk from another driver. AND to top it off, it was accompanied by a frustrated gesture. It wasn't the really rude gesture (you know the one) - it was just a show of displeasure. But, it was just enough to make my blood boil a little & return in kind. I feel compelled to tell you that I also added a vigorous little wave as I went my way - dripping with sarcasm, but at least I was able to tell my son I was just waving - hoping he couldn't quite perceive the real motive. Yep, add me to the mommy-of-the-year list for that delightful move! ~yuck!~

It happened very quickly, and I was angry at the other driver for all of a few seconds... but then I spent a lot more time being angry at myself & wondering where in the world that comes from. One minute, I'm planning my prayer time & the next minute I'm a short step away from road rage behavior?? What???? I'm pretty thankful that God had Paul include his comment about 'doing the stuff I don't want to do'...

(Romans 7:19) For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.

...at least I know I'm not alone in this human condition!

But still... it just kind of set a negative tone on the beginning of my day. The good thing, though, was that I was able to come back home & get in that prayer time just as I had planned. After a little heart to heart with the Lord, I really did feel refreshed & renewed and took on the rest of the day with a much better attitude. Not just a better day, but a really enjoyable one with His peace in my heart. A changed day!

It wasn't until later, though, that it dawned on me... if I had truly started my day with that prayer time (as in, before I left the house at all!), I probably wouldn't have jumped to instant anger with the driver I had encountered earlier. I would have already been in His peace at that moment. Now, I'm not saying Christians don't get angry... but I am pretty sure that if you have spent some time in His presence, you're just not going to be as likely to 'go there' with needless anger quite so quickly.

Makes me wonder... if I prayed first thing more often, might I avoid more icky actions in my day that I regret? Hmmm... it's a thought.

In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation. (Psalm 5:3)

2010-01-25T09:13:00.003-06:00

OK, so it's been a while... I do occasionally check back in on my blog & that Nov '09 post has been intimidating me for quite some time now. Not the content - just the date. I've felt like I "should" write... but instead I've just stared at the blank page not knowing what words to put forth.

For me, in the past - this might indicate a season of spiritual dryness. But that's not really the case this time. In fact, I am probably sensing the God-stirrings in me & around me more than ever before. But, unlike any other time I can recall.... it is not creating that "feeling" that calls me to write.

I sense that God just might be doing a NEW work within my heart... a cocoon stage for me, perhaps. So, for now... I eagerly & prayerfully wait.

But, so that your visit is not a complete waste... allow me to share His Word that has captured my heart for several days. It is a beautiful truth, indeed!

"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." (Jeremiah 33:3)

Love to all! ~d

All in?

2009-11-16T08:38:00.009-06:00

Let me pause right up front... because I feel the need to remind you that this platform is my place to work out thoughts... NOT a place where I claim to have THE answer. You may not agree with my 'take on it' at all... and that's ok. Truthfully, as I continue on the journey - I may not even agree with these words. But, for today...

I am finding myself in one of those seasons where God keeps bringing me to the same topic... repeatedly. I am thankful He is so very patient with me... especially when I seem to be so very slow to 'get it'!

Recently, our small group broke past some of the common social barriers & got down to a rather meaty convesation. (LOVE THAT!!) We started to dig into this idea of 'middle ground'. (If you've read my last couple of posts, you'll definitely recognize a theme here!) So, I am again in thought over this subject.

There were many facets to the conversation... but one honest & real comment has my full attention at the moment. It went something like this... "I'm not sure about this 'no middle ground' idea... because I don't see that I am all in -OR- all out. So, where does that leave me?"

Indeed! Who among us can deny this thought? I certainly can't (and I've got the blogs to prove it!).

So, I'm wondering what exactly the definition of "ALL IN" really is? Not in a 'what's the minimum I can do' sort of way.... but as a true self-examination of where I'm at, spiritually speaking.

We might all be tempted to define "ALL IN" by action...

..serving at the soup kitchen every weekend

....going off to a far away land to be a missionary

......committing to giving a huge monthly dollar amount at church

........renouncing our culture's norms to live a 'simple' life

Even though those things might be present in an "ALL IN" life... the danger of identifying one or more of those actions as "ALL IN" is pretty clear. When we use this sort of 'checklist'... we are smack dab in the middle of legalism. Really, this thinking just promotes the idea that you can actually achieve perfection... I mean, what arbitrary number of items on the checklist will it take to reach "ALL IN"? 1? 5? 10? That's not something I find in the Bible.

And, if there isn't a 'magic number' of items to check off... won't there always be at least one more thing I can "DO"? Is it possible to "DO" it all? And, if I can't "DO" it all... then, am I really "ALL IN"? Wow, what a little hamster's wheel *that* is.... it sounds exhausting physically & spiritually.

Hmmm... so, if my actions alone can't get me to the "ALL IN" line... then what does?

What about my motivation for the actions? What if the "ALL IN" line is crossed not at the moment I DO "great" things for Him.... but at the moment of choice to follow Him wherever He leads... to trust Him, come what may. Isn't this the very picture of relationship with God? Me, taking my meager offering (laying down the life HE gave me in the first place)... and in return, He guides me by His perfect plan.

I think that's pretty close... except it sounds like a one-time-shot. One choice, once & for all. I don't know about you... but that's not my experience. Mainly because... I keep waking up. And many of the choices I made yesterday... well, they are back in front of me again today. Just because I chose to trust Him yesterday, doesn't mean I won't crash & burn today.

*sigh*

So, honestly - I'm just not sure what the answer is to this question. I have had moments where I could say with 100% certainty that YES, I AM ALL IN! I've had a taste of it, and I have to say - there is joy & peace there!

But.... then, I have those *other* moments that aren't so "inspirational" for anyone around me!

Maybe that just makes me an "ALL IN".... in progress.

staying dry...

2009-11-04T09:34:00.021-06:00

Personally, I think this post will make the most sense if you read my previous one before you read this one. But, hey... if not, I can summarize it pretty quickly: I talked about the realization that I was camping out in a 'middle ground' that doesn't really exist.

...hmmm, wait. 'Realization' is a nice, pleasant word, but it does make it sound like something "I" did... so instead, let's say... this:

"I talked about getting smacked up side the head with the fact that I was camping out in a middle ground that doesn't really exist."

Ok... yes, that's much more accurate!

So..... anyway, what does that mean exactly, you ask?

Yeah.... good question! I asked it, too. What came to mind is this... you can be NEAR water, but if you want to experience it fully - you have to get wet. There is NO middle ground there... you either stay dry or you get wet. Period.

The following piece comes from that thought.

(and, yes - I realize if you know me... this hiking/camping analogy is a stretch... but just go with it!)

Here I am on my trail... heading for a campsite. I've learned about an amazing waterfall... and I HAVE to go! And, I'm not "just" going - I'm going ALL OUT. I mean, sure... I could have stayed back at the cabins where "the tourists" stay... but I'm serious about this. I am ALL ABOUT this waterfall experience - unlike "those other people", I want to experience it completely.

So, I hike. Pretty soon, I come to a ridge with the most amazing view. Seriously... AMAZING! I can see it, I can hear it. I can take breath-taking photos. And... as I survey the area, I begin to realize how smart I would be to camp here. In fact, I can see now that it has been used often by previous campers. Why, this just might be "the" perfect campsite! And the best part is, my stuff won't get wet from the waterspray. Of course, that wasn't really my original plan, but now that I'm here... I'm starting to see how much better this would be!

For a brief moment, I think about what I set out to do. I remember how I was really looking forward to feeling that spray of water on my face and how I wanted to reach out my hand & touch the falls! But... I quickly decide this is a lot more sensible. After all, I'm so close - I can hike over there in a matter of minutes. I guess you might even call this "middle ground". Kind of perfect in a way, now that I think about it. Not back at the cabins with "those people". And, not camped out IN the water (I mean, really - who does that?) Yeah... middle ground sounds just about right.

So, I unpack. Set up. Arrange. Prepare. I take breaks here & there... and snap off about a thousand pictures. I am so drawn to that view! I even spend some time watching others who made it to the base of the falls.... they seem to really enjoy the feel of being there. But, now that I've set up camp.... I'm realizing that it's not all that convenient to go over there myself. I've got all this stuff here (it's some good stuff, you know!) - I can't just walk off & leave it unprotected. I would take it with me, buuttt... it's pretty heavy. And, well... I *just* unpacked it. And, now that I think about it, a lot of this stuff would be ruined if it got wet. I decide to think about it some more...

While I'm thinking it over, I want to make sure & use my time wisely... so I busily work around the campsite. After hanging up that hammock, it would seem a shame not to use it... and the sunshine is so nice & warm... very peaceful. Sleep comes so very easily...

As the sun moves across the sky, I wake up with a quick glance at my watch - whew! Where's the day going? Like it or not, the trip will come to an end... but it's still early enough. I should really hike on over the base of the falls... if I'm going to do it at all. Buuutt... now, I'm realizing that I am kind of hungry. I don't guess I'm really prepared to go right this minute.... and there's still this *stuff* to think about. So, while I'm thinking.... I get busy preparing my meal. (Don't you just love the smell of a good campfire?)

And, then I'm busy eating my meal.

And, cleaning up after my meal.

And, resting after my meal.

Ok. I've given this enough thought. You know what? I'm just going to hike over to that waterfall right now. As I grab my boots & start to put them on... I notice someone rushing up to my campsite with a sense of urgency. It's a uniformed soldier and he says that I have to leave immediately. There's a wildfire headed straight for my campsite & there is not a minute to waste. Well, wait a minute, I say... I don't see anything, I don't even smell the smoke... surely there's time for me to get over to that waterfall. I mean it's the whole reason I came here. It won't take long at all, I'm so close!

Sorry, he says. Orders are to leave immediately. Shocked & saddened, I nod and start to gather my stuff. No, he says... you don't understand. I mean immediately... and with that, he whisks me out of the campsite, empty handed. At once, I realize that all of my belongings... all of my stuff.... those things that I fretted over, hovered over & protected... they are now gone forever, just like my chance to have that waterfall experience. Had I only realized that they were truly just temporary... that I would lose them anyway, maybe I would not have let them keep me from the part of the trip that was most important!

And, another thing occurs to me now, too... that there really wasn't any such thing as 'middle ground', after all. There was simply the choice to stay dry... or go get wet.

can we just be real?

2009-11-02T16:20:00.018-06:00

I want REAL. Like the kind of WANT a 2-yr-old, tantrum-throwing child has when she is only satisfied with that one beloved toy & throws everything else to the ground. I want 'real' from those around me and I want it from myself.

And, that's why I haven't posted in a while, I guess. It's not that I haven't had time... and it's not exactly that I've had 'writer's block'. I've even started a couple of pieces that I suspect will stay in 'draft' mode forever... and more than a few that I just erased completely. There was just nothing where I could feel any real depth. And, as much as I love you joining me on this blogging project (all 3 of you!! *lol*)... in my heart, I know that I am not doing this for an audience. My purpose here (as best as I know it) is simply to raise my hand and point to something I see God doing. (With all emphasis, of course, on God - not on me.) For me, He is what's real - and it's getting harder & harder to settle for less.

So, all that just begs the question... "What is God doing around my life right now?" With a build up like that, I better have something pretty good, right?

Well, here's the REAL answer for you: I only wish I knew! I am certain He's working, but I'm getting to see only little glimpses right now. For instance, here is my latest little glimpse of this picture He is creating in & around my life. I write it knowing very well that it may lose just about everything in the translation... that it is likely something that only interests me. But, today I feel the need to point to what I see Him doing.... without regard to how it might "read".

Sunday morning, I just happened to check in on a friends blog. I never (let me think here... yep, that's right - NEVER) get on the computer before church on Sunday morning. And, thinking about it... landing on that blog seems now almost completely random. I love her blog (thanks, btw, Jess!), but it had been a while since I had checked in on any blogs. I read a bit, caught some new thoughts she's just learned from her Beth Moore study (always love a good Beth Moore-inspired post!)... and get about half way down the page. Ohhhh... cool... she linked a Casting Crowns video!

I absolutely love CC... and low & behold... it's one of my all-time favorite songs, Somewhere in the Middle. One that's not on the radio too much, but goodness knows I've worn out that cd track. And here's another interesting twist... as many times as I've listened to that song - I don't guess I've ever looked at the words while it was playing. This just happened to be one of the youtube videos with just sound & lyrics. (Are you catching all of the "just happened to be's" yet??)

So, even though I've heard the song too many times to count, I'm actually soaking in the lyrics in a new way. And, then... one particular comment in her blog catches my attention. Talking about fear, she wrote... "This is where I’ve staked a tent and camped out for WAY too long now. ”Somewhere in the Middle.” Knowing all that He’s done, and yet not fully trusting in all He’ll do."

This really struck a chord for me. Hard to explain, but it was both in a way that was all-at-once and yet seeming to confirm something I knew all along. Yeah, I get it. I've really been camped out in this middle ground too. Not exactly in the same way my friend was describing, but definitely a middle ground of my own. Too far into this relationship with God to even want to go back, but still holding back from those last few steps to the 'all in' line. My middle ground. I went so far as to add a little comment to her blog about sharing that campsite... and realizing it was time to break camp.

Fast forward one hour. I'm now sitting in the sanctuary at church. The music has faded & our pastor begins to speak. THE...FIRST.... WORDS.... out of his mouth?

"Write this down: there is no middle ground."

(pause for effect here...)

So.... you're getting that, right? Well, even if you aren't.... I sure did! In fact, let's cut to re-play...

9am - realizing that I seem to be camped out in a middle ground (exact words)
10am - hearing from God (loud & clear!) that 'middle ground' (exact words)?.... well, it doesn't exist.

Now, that I've had a little time to soak in it... what I sense Him saying is something like this... "You are right about the need to break camp... but you need to know the truth about where your campsite REALLY is.... because you are WAY too comfortable in what you are calling 'middle ground'!"

I did say I wanted 'REAL', right?

Passing this along...

2009-09-28T18:01:00.004-05:00

We are in the midst of preparing for our revival services at church... this was today's devotional by our pastor. I really wanted to share it... so here it is:

We all share a deep desire to be more intimate and more devoted to God. Like I mentioned yesterday, I believe we all love God, but we sometimes are not experiencing being in love with him. It often seems like there is something that gets in the way of that kind of heart-felt, devotional love. We all have the desire to give our hearts to Him, but this desire is often shared with desires for a lot of other stuff. As John Piper puts it, our decreased hunger for God is not because He is unsavory, but because we keep ourselves stuffed with other things. In other words, we are so full of food, entertainment, work, play, kids, school, friends, and life that we have no appetite left for God.

There is nothing wrong with all those things. It is not the big things that rob us of our hunger for God. It is the constant nibbling at the table of the world that leaves us so full that we have no appetite left for him! I run into this problem every Thanksgiving. I get excited about the family and the fellowship, but I really like the meal. All day long, I nibble and snack and when the main meal comes, I don’t really enjoy it.

In our lives, we are nibbling on work, family, computers, investing, TV, internet, gaming, sports, school, shopping, exercising, talking on the phone, home repair, and even our Christian walk. While all these are fine, taken together they can leave us so full that we have nothing left for God. Wouldn’t it be great to be so full of God we didn’t have room for the rest? Oh, to experience such fullness!

There's even a little more ... click on his link over on the right side of my blog to check it out!

A Special Reminder...

2009-08-31T16:20:00.016-05:00

Earlier today, I returned from my weekly route with Meals on Wheels with a smile. I'm a few months into this project... and I just have to say - if you've ever thought about checking it out... DO IT! It's a great service, pretty easy to do & I just bet drivers are needed in your area, wherever that may be.

But, as much as I like the feeling of being helpful... really, the truth is that I *get* more than I give. Today, I'm pretty sure I heard a well-placed reminder from God through a conversation with one of the sweet friends I deliver to. I'm 100% sure that she didn't realize she was saying something that would touch my heart and speak into my life... but I believe God knew I needed a special reminder.

'Sis' is a dear lady that has become very special to me & I always enjoy our moments of conversation. I've gotten to hear lots about her childhood as she talks through some of her memories. Today, we again talked of her school days as a young girl. When she mentioned a "Victory Party", I was intrigued & inquired deeper. She explained that the students would host a variety show, of sorts, and would charge 'victory stamps or bonds' for admission. But, as she was explaining it, one particular memory came to the surface for her & she shared it with me.

For one of these parties, Sis & some other girls had prepared a dance to perform. Come show night, Sis even had a new handmade dress to wear for the occasion. As the performance began, she danced her heart out. But, after a few moments into the dance... the sleeves of her brand new dress came off! Her mom had basted the sleeves onto the dress, but had forgotten to go back and run a permanent seam. Sweet, tender-hearted Sis was mortified & began to well up with tears. But, her teacher came instantly to the rescue with love & reassurance that it was all ok. Even as Sis relayed this to me today, some 70 odd years later, the resulting calm & peace from that loving gesture was unmistakeable. Sis wasn't really laughing as she told me the story, as you might think. She told it just as she remembered it... sweetly... fondly. And after a pause, she told me this: "Adults sometimes don't understand the impact they have on a small child."

Now, maybe you're thinking... sweet story.... but??? What's your point? It's this... right now in my real life (away from this computer) I'm preparing for another year as a teacher in an early childhood setting. After 5 years in my cozy, comfortable spot, I've agreed to change age-levels. In other words, I've set myself up for lots of change. None of it is "bad" at all... it's just change! And, I've been somewhat consumed with it (and the multiple other examples of change occuring in my life at the moment, by the way!) I'll admit, I've been struggling a little bit to find my footing.

So, what impacts me most about her story today is this: All these years later, what does Sis remember? The love & kindness her teacher gave to her. It was evident in her expression & in her voice as she retold this event. It has stayed with her all these years.

This is certainly a lesson I already "knew"... and I believe it with all my heart. But, I feel that God wanted me to hear the emotion in her voice and see the expressions on her face... as a tangible reminder. As important as letters & numbers & colors are in the life of a pre-schooler... and as important as it is to plan & prepare... I think He wanted me to keep in mind the ~most~ important aspect of my job which is simply to love.

"Love never fails" (1 Cor 13:8a)

Walking Through It...

2009-08-29T14:33:00.024-05:00

As of this past Monday... a particular season of my life came to a close. (Well, barring any bona fide miracles, that is.) I took my youngest child to his first day of kindergarten... and left empty handed! After almost 10 years of having a little one by my side 24/7... it was over. Just like that. Over!! One minute, I was clicking off pictures & all smiles... the next minute, I was a teary-eyed mess! I knew I had to get out of there quick... and have a little "moment" to collect myself.

My husband seemed mildly surprised at my reaction (like... "uhhh - you're not *really* going to get too carried away here, are you?") But, I tear up for books, movies, weddings of people who are practically strangers to me.... even a good commercial every once in a while, for goodness sakes!! What was he thinking? This was certainly a good occasion for a few teardrops, right?!

I guess to be completely honest though... I was surprised at myself, too. I knew it would be an emotional day... but, here's the thing... I think that because I could see this situation coming (after all, I had those same 10 years to prepare)... and I had given it some thought as to how it would feel.... that somehow I believed I could escape the emotional impact of walking t-h-r-o-u-g-h it. It was like right smack dab in the middle of it, I realized --- "ohhhh... now I see.... this really is hard."

Funny thing is... this scenario has been playing out repeatedly for me lately. I think I see what's coming & then I'm overwhelmed when it comes to pass. I'm not sure I've discovered any great pearls of wisdom here... except maybe this... if you see a reoccuring pattern - pay attention! There's gotta be a lesson in it.

And, probably more important...

I've certainly been reminded of the necessity of prayer. Most of the time, we tend to sideline prayer... we see it as something optional. But, there are days when your spirit will truly need it to take those next few steps forward. Because it is in prayer we realize that we aren't walking t-h-r-o-u-g-h it alone.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

The song you sing...

2009-08-01T16:04:00.009-05:00

Matthew West has a great song called "Something to Say"... if you listen to contemporary Christian radio, I'm positive you've heard it. But, even if you have... take a moment to soak in these lyrics...

Wake up, 7:32 AM
Can’t believe it’s time to do it over again
Yesterday, it took all that you had
And you’re wondering if you’ll ever get it back
But the whole wide world is waiting for
Waiting for you to step out that door
Come on, and let your life be heard today

You’ve got something to say
If you’re living, if you’re breathing
You’ve got something to say
You know if you’re heart is beating
You’ve got something to say
And no one can say it like you do
God is love and love speaks through You

got it, you got it
You’ve got something to say

Listen up, I got a question here
Would anybody miss you if you disappeared
Well your life is the song that you sing
And the whole wide world is listening

Well the answer to the question is
You were created, your life is a gift
And the lights are shining on you today

I love the imagery here & it has me thinking about how my lifesong is sounding. If each day is like a note of music in 'my song'... am I using each one wisely, contributing to the overall harmony? Or, have I let it get a little off-key ("pitchy" as Randy would say on American Idol)?

I'm a little concerned that it's the latter. But, I'm not talking about being the super-saint who has her 'to-do list' for God that's a mile long.... 'cause I'm pretty convinced that's not what He wants from me.

Actually... I think it's very simple: the days that are off-key are the ones where I drop my gaze from following after His Son. Those are the days that I look instead to myself... my plans, my wants, my self-indulgences, my rights... me, me, me! (((OUCH!!))) Hear those sour notes?

But... when my eyes are on Him...

- in His Word

- in prayer

- allowing Him to direct my choices...

then... the song is beautiful! Not of my creation at all.... His!

Mr. West said it well... "God is love & love speaks through you!"

"The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him... " (Exodus 15:2)

Storing up treasures...

2009-07-06T15:40:00.008-05:00

Like most of the world, it seems, I've discovered FaceBook lately.

If you're familiar with the site (or those like it)... then you've seen the extra 'applications' that are available for your account... mostly games, quizzes & such. I noticed that several of my online friends were playing a simulated farming game. It looked kind of cute & they seemed to be having fun... so I thought I'd try my hand at it.

As I began... it all seemed pretty silly.
"click" to plow...
"click" to plant...
"click" to harvest...
"click" to sell your harvest...
"click" to buy more seeds...
and so on... and so on...

The idea is to build your farming empire as you go. It all seemed kind of boring at first, but after a few rounds of planting & harvesting... I began to 'learn the ropes' a little better... and, yes... I started to get a little 'hooked'.

A peek inside the farm "store" opened up a world of 'farming' amenities: not just seeds to plant... but trees, animals, fences, scarecrows, water wells, ponds, silos... why, you can even aspire to have a cute little farm house or even (gasp!) the farm mansion! The more you work your farm, the better your buying power. You can create your own little farming UTOPIA!

Well, here it is a few days later, and... I'm on the brink of HUGE virtual-farming success! I've plowed, planted, & harvested numerous crops... worked my way up the farming levels.... and, banked up quite the tidy sum of virtual farming dollars!

While I've waited for crops to grow, I've even worked on other people's farm to earn extra money. I've worked, scrimped, planned & saved. I'm all set to expand the farm property (only 5 more levels to go & I'm there!) And, THEN.... that mansion will be in my sights!

What? What was that you just thought?? ...

"How foolish!"

"Why would you spend precious minutes of your life on something of no value?"

"How deluded are you?! None of that is real... you're not really building an empire!"

Well... yeah, those are pretty good points. I was just kinda thinking about that myself! The game is seriously pointless and does fritter away the time. But, let's go bigger-picture here.... what about the game we play everyday we call 'real life'?

We work, plan, scrimp & save in 'real life' too... but are we keeping an eternal perspective in mind? I'm not saying there is anything wrong with hard work... the Bible makes that clear.

But... if we took an honest look, would we see that we are striving to build our own little earthly utopia? For those of us calling ourselves Christ-followers... that is certainly not to be our focus in this life. See, it's pretty easy for me to admit that online game has no real value, but am I willing to be honest & say the same about many of the things I'm working for in real life? That has a little more 'ouch' factor to it!

I'm just wondering... if we could stand right now on the other side of this temporal existence... how many things would we see in our lives that would prompt those very same comments?

"How foolish!"

"Why would you spend precious minutes of your life on something of no value?"

"How deluded are you?! None of that is real... you're not really building an empire!"

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Matthew 6:19-21)

Out of the mouths of moms...

2009-06-25T17:08:00.008-05:00

If you're a parent, maybe you recognize this feeling... where you are saying something directly to your children & God brings it right back to you for your Parent/child relationship with Him! It happened again today for me...

Earlier, I was in the kitchen with my little ones, ready to bake a batch of cookies. Typical of their demeanors lately... they were vying for 'top spot' every step of the way. Not in anyway new to the world... just our season to go through it.

So, here we are... trying to negotiate who will perform each step of the recipe... and I'm getting more weary of this 'fun' project by the second. My oldest keeps trying to jump ahead & "take care" of things before I instruct her to. I'm glad that she's at an age where she can anticipate what's next, but she's not mature enough yet to appreciate that I have a bigger plan. I want to include her little brother in key steps that he can manage alone. So, I say something like... "Please just wait for the instructions I give you. Don't get ahead of me."

There was remark #1 that caught my attention. So, now I'm thinking... do I try to 'jump ahead' of God because I'm convinced I know what's coming next? Do I miss out on His perfect plan, because all I can think about is the one I have? Perhaps I do. Maybe the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

And, then there's my son's issue the whole time we're working:
"What about me????" .... "Can I do that?" .... "What can I do?" .... "I wanted to do that!"

He was so focused on "winning" the next job, he wasn't enjoying the things he was getting to do. I looked him squarely in the eyes and said something like... "You are getting turns & you will have a few more... will you just trust me, please?

And, that was point #2 to consider... Am I so focused on what I want, that I'm not trusting that God will provide His best, in His time? Or... am I so wrapped up in getting that next thing... that I'm not enjoying what I have been given right now? Perhaps that apple doesn't fall far from the tree, either.

And, lest I decide to ignore these lessons & chalk them up as just random thoughts... here's one from a few days ago:

(me, to my kids:) If I am speaking to you, please stop what you're doing and pay attention!

(God, immediately inside my heart:) This is true for you, too, you know!

Don't miss the "little things"...

2009-06-17T17:04:00.010-05:00

This morning, as we got into the car for some errands, I was working on a seriously bad attitude. Absolutely nothing significant, but a quick string of frustrations had gotten the best of me in a matter of moments & I was feeling pretty short-tempered. Funny how quickly that can happen, huh?

So, I'm wallowing in this attitude stew... feeling it take over inside. That feeling where you know it's a bad attitude, but you seem powerless to stop it. I turn on the radio... sure enough, the song is annoying. Really... annoying! I change the channel... and here's what I hear...

And I want you to know

That I'm not letting go

Even when you come undone

I've heard this song many times (Matthew West's "More")... it's a catchy tune, but I haven't really focused on the words. That word "undone" ... it caught my FULL attention! Even though it had come on quickly & was really due to nothing important... in that moment, "undone" seemed like a perfect description of my state of mind. So, as I focused on the words more intently... here's how it continues:

I love you more than the sun

And the stars that I taught how to shine

You are mine, and you shine for me too

I love you yesterday and today

And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again

I love you more

Shine for Me, Shine for Me

(the chorus repeats & finishes with...)

And I see you

And I made you

And I love you more than you can imagine

More than you can fathom

I love you more than the sun

And you shine for me

There are so many lessons I could draw from this ‘little’ experience and what a great illustration it is for a study I am currently doing... but what is impressed upon me most is this:

In a seemingly insignificant, "little" moment of my day... My God ~Creator of the universe, All-Knowing & Infinite~ chose to reach into my physical world, speaking words of love & encouragement. And, He did so in a moment I was so acutely undeserving of it.

He spoke to me.

"Little thing"? Hardly!

Verging...

2009-06-14T16:23:00.015-05:00

On the verge of something... that feeling has been with me for a season now. In the sense that something is on the horizon.... coming up, on the way. Not something I've really put words to, but I've grown familiar with it's presence within my spirit. Some days it's very strong, others just a quiet whisper.

Today, as I sat down here to type - the feeling was strong and the words 'on the verge' began to roll around in my thoughts. I wanted a better context for the word, so I looked up the official definition. Just as I was thinking, I saw that it conveys the idea of an edge or rim.... on the brink of something about to occur.

But, I also noticed a different meaning that caught me off guard:
“to be in the process of becoming something else” (italics mine)

Verging. Very intriguing! And maybe a bit scary, too, if I'm honest... especially (extremely so, even?) for a word dropped into your lap, spiritually speaking.

You know, we can get pretty comfortable with “this”.

“Something else”... especially a “something else” you can’t see... that can bring up a little fear.

Reminds me of the song by Sanctus Real... Whatever You’re Doing...

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

For me, I think that really says where I’m at spiritually... where I’ve been for a while. I feel like God has brought me to the brink of something that I can’t see, and He is patiently waiting for my surrender to it... or, more accurately... to Him.

Until then... I remain on the verge... of verging.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! (2 Corinthians 5:17)

The "S" Word...

2009-05-06T08:39:00.029-05:00

I'm sensing a bit of resistance within to sharing this recent life lesson. I recognize that stubborn feeling though... and it's not one I should indulge. Plus, I think this might be a lesson I'm likely to overlook after a little time has gone by... so I'll forge ahead...

A friend & I co-lead a scout troop. Several months ago, our troop scheduled an overnight trip for the beginning of May. We were all looking forward to it! But, as the date approached... we found our state & nation engulfed in a flu panic. The timing really could not have been more perfect for conflict. Had the trip been a week earlier, we wouldn't have thought twice about going.... and, likewise, if it had been a week later. But, there in the 2-3 days before we were scheduled to leave... public precaution reached it's peak and we were faced with the decision to continue or cancel. School closings were being announced daily, suspected & confirmed cases of the flu were being tallied almost up to the minute. A media blitz was in high gear!

Naturally, parental opinions ranged from one end of the scale to the other. Even my husband, not usually swayed by such things, wasn't sure it was a wise choice to go. So, trust me when I say, I lived & breathed this quandary for a couple of days: to go or not to go! I am not happy to report it, but I was totally stressed!

What I really wanted was for some 'governing authority' to make the call. I scanned the internet, listened to the news, called the local scouting office & contacted the event host.... multiple times. It wasn't exactly that I wanted to escape responsibility... it was more a feeling of being under-qualified to make the decision at hand. With so many sources of information, it was impossible to find *the* one to follow. I prayed. A lot! But, I did not sense a direction either way... and I did not feel one bit of peace. As the phone continued to ring, different people weighing in... my husband (again stating that he would rather we didn't go) commented that he would not want to be me at that moment. The decision was finally made to continue as planned, unless new information came to light. Each participant (parent) was urged to make their own personal decision as to attend or not. The almost-perfect middle ground.

I just couldn't shake the deep unrest I felt, though. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but it seemed to be spiritual in nature. I had searched for an authority in the matter, but couldn't find one. When I pleaded my case to God... I didn't sense any answer... and I certainly didn't feel any peace. What was missing?

And, then it clicked!

(OK... here's where I hold my breath, type fast & get it over with quickly... this is not an easy topic for me!)

What was missing was... submission. To my husband. I finally realized that God had already provided the exact leadership I was looking for... way back when I said "I do". But, I was looking right past him. I'm not saying he should have made the call for the troop, but the truth is... I should have been looking to him to make the call for *his* family (our daughter & myself), but I was so absorbed in "my stuff" that I just didn't see it.

To give myself a little wiggle room here... he never said NOT to go. (Now THAT would have gotten my attention for sure... but probably not in a good way!) He had, however, clearly indicated it was not what he preferred. It wasn't that I was being deliberately contrary... I just didn't stop & think it out. I was wrapped up in my flurry of stress & worry. (Note to self: stress = counter-productive.)

But in the moment I made up my mind to go with his decision on the matter, I found that rest & peace I knew I was missing. I'm really not exaggerating at all... I went from knot-in-my-stomach stress to wow-that-feels-sooo-much-better peace in a matter of minutes! I quickly understood why my prayers seemed to 'fail' and why the situation was setting off spiritual alarms for me: I was working outside of God's established system.

Now that I've had some reflection time... I'm pretty amazed at God's gentle guiding in it all. I won't say that submission will ever be an easy topic for me. In fact, my generation may have one of the bigger struggles with this idea. Everything that has been culturally ingrained into us strains against it. But, wow... was this ever a powerfully tangible lesson for me. Physically tangible!

So... the end of the story? It all actually worked out just fine. When I made up my mind to follow my husband's leading, I assumed we would not be going. But, by the time a final call had to be made, he was comfortable with us going, after all. The trip was good and, without that burden of stress, I was actually able to enjoy it. But, much more valuable for me was the chance to see God's plan worked out before me. Had I held on to my personal will to choose, I would have missed out on such a blessing tucked away inside my heart!

The precepts of the LORD are right, giving joy to the heart.

The commands of the LORD are radiant, giving light to the eyes.

(Psalm 19:8)

Purpose...

2009-04-27T08:37:00.023-05:00

Purpose... that's where my thoughts are today. It was something touched upon in discussion yesterday at our biblestudy. There was talk about our life's purpose... mostly what I call 'big picture' stuff.

We all have purpose to glorify God & to be in relationship with Him... I get that. And, that is no small thing. In fact, it is truly everything!

But, you know what I'm talking about, right? This idea that we all have a grand, individual, overriding life purpose...
... a mission
.... a "job"
..... "the" thing that you do

Someone might say their purpose is to sing, another might be called to a life of missions, still another could say they were made to evangelize. They seem to have a very clear grasp on this... confident in their path. But, honestly, this subject has always intimidated me a little. Because, as of yet, I haven't "discovered" my "big-picture" purpose. I'm not saying that God hasn't given me gifts to use... I've just not found ONE that I felt best defined my purpose here on the planet.

It just seems to me that... yes, some people definitely have a 'big picture' purpose in their life... but some of us , however, may not. Maybe... this isn't a "one size fits all" concept. And, even though in my past I may have been a little more eager to find that 'big picture' purpose I thought I was supposed to have... now I'm starting to find that I'm ok with the possibility of not having one. I'm open to the idea that there might be something 'big picture' in my future... but if not, I think I can honestly say... I'm good with that.

Because... what if... God has different ways of approaching this? Maybe I'm not designed to be a specialist! Looking back, what I think I see is a trend of 'small picture' purpose happening in my life. Little moments, almost imperceptible if I'm not watching closely. Moments where I'm pretty sure I've served a specific purpose in someone's life... but in a brief moment. A hug, a conversation, maybe just a comment in passing... but almost always something that I've walked away from wondering... where did that come from?! Why on earth did I say... that?

Well, really... I'm past the stage of wondering where it comes from. I know. I still marvel at it... but I know where it's from. I'm starting to think of it as a 'girl friday' sort of purpose ... odd jobs, so to speak :) I've learned fairly well the difference between things that I orchestrate & the things that are orchestrated beyond me. And, slowly, I'm beginning to recognize the feeling of surpressing it, too. (I pray that I will learn to avoid that feeling better as time goes by!)

I think I may even have a small glimpse of understanding as to why 'purpose' might happen this way. (And, please don't think that I'm using this as a sweeping generalization for anyone else... ) but for me, I think it might be a matter of pride. I wonder how I would handle a talent or gift that was so predominant, it would overshadow my entire life. Not that it's something I care to admit, but I think I might be a little prideful about it. And, knowing myself like I do, I'm pretty sure that if I had that ONE big gift... well, I might try to control, manage, enhance, harness and (ouch!) exploit it... just a little.

Is it possible He already knows this about me?? Uhhh... yes, without a doubt. Is it possible that He is, then, working for my good?? Again, yes... I think so.

Because, the way it works for me right now... I'm usually blindsided by these 'small picture' episodes of purpose. I don't usually see them coming & sometimes I'm not even quick enough to avoid them! I hope it doesn't sound too harsh to say... I think He keeps me on a short leash, this way. I'm dependent on Him for the situation, as well as the actions & words within that situation. It almost sounds like there's not much "me" in it at all....

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...................... ok, yeah.... I get it!

One other thought... all of these 'small picture' things that happen... in the end, from the other side of our earthly perspective... maybe they actually create a 'big picture' after all.

But, if not... I'm good with that, too :)

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

I am not God...

2009-04-24T13:01:00.005-05:00

I'm quite sure that doesn't surprise you. In the least.

But, I think it might come as a shock to... well, me. The innermost "me" that thinks she is running the show. The one who stresses & worries about all of those details that just seem *so* overwhelmingly important... the details that are just screaming out for my control.

Hmmm.... are they... really?

A few selected thoughts from the book Crazy Love (F. Chan):

"Worry implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives."

"Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control."

"Both worry and stress reek of arrogance."
"Who do we think we are?"

Indeed... exactly (W)ho do I think I am?

The Redemption Center

2009-04-22T09:42:00.021-05:00

I used the word "redeem" the other day at our ladies' bible study. When it came out of my mouth, I thought it sounded a bit too 'churchy', but that's really not at all how I think of it. My mental illustration of the word 'redeem' has a more decidedly humble background...

From my 70's childhood, I remember "S&H Greenstamps". As memory serves, they would give you these little green stamps (think: postage stamps) when you made a purchase at the grocery store. Some of the 'fancier' stores had little machines that would spit out the stamps automatically, but alas... ours were just handed to us from a drawer by the cashier. The larger the purchase, the more stamps you received. You saved these up by pasting them into a special book, a page at a time, until you filled the book. This 'lick & stick' project fell to me... and I thought it was a great privilege.

But, the best thing about the Greenstamps was... redemption! After you saved up a sufficient number of books, you could take them to a special store called the Redemption Center. We had one in our hometown, making this a very tangible experience for me. You could take in your books & trade them for some pretty good stuff! For some reason, I remember the kitchen items the most - mixers, blenders, popcorn poppers, etc. I'm sure they had kid items... but I think I was impressed that you could actually trade in these books for important items (i.e. grown-up stuff!!) The stamps themselves, as much as I might have enjoyed being in charge of them, were really worthless of their own accord. There at the Redemption Center... they were in the business of taking in that which was worthless and giving out valuable things in return.

So... that's the image in my mind when I use the word "redeem". A vivid set of memories brings this idea to life for me. I can recall clearly my mom's wallet, which usually had a strip of stamps tucked inside... or one or two loose stamps in with the coins. See, definitely not 'churchy'... but I think that's what makes it so real to me. When I hear Jesus described as 'Redeemer'... it connects with me. Not in a complicated, sophisticated, or lofty way... but in a down-to-earth way that touches that place where fond memories reside. In other words, it's not just a religious precept... I genuinely "get it".

And, this was what I hoped to convey the other day... Yes, He is our Redeemer at the highest level... allowing us to trade our death for His Eternal Life. Please understand, it all starts there.

But... He also acts as Redeemer in other ways, as well. What about those 'little books' within your lifestory that you wish weren't there? Maybe it's a situation, a hurt, a sin... something that you rather would *not* exist at all... something that you wish could be forgotten altogether. The honest truth is, you probably will never forget it. But, what if... it could be redeemed? What if you could take this worthless thing & trade it in for something of value... something truly good? Would you do it?

The good news is... you can! Just like we traded in our little bits of worthless paper and received something desirable, something valuable.... so can you! Jesus is in the business of redeeming all kinds of things that, on their own, are truly worthless. Imagine that for a moment... something that brings layers of pain & guilt for you... something that you can't forget, no matter how hard you try. But, can you imagine 'turning it in'? Giving it away & receiving something like peace... contentment... even joy? I've seen it happen and it has a beauty that is hard to describe.

There are millions of examples, I suppose, of how this has happened in people's lives. Each one a little different... each one custom made to the individual! But, perhaps none of them as truly meaningful in your heart as the one you experience yourself. So, if there is something like that in your life today... why not turn it in for redemption? You may be surprised at it's value!

" (He) redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion..." (Psalm 103:4)

(for the record... I borrowed the above pic from an ebay auction... go make a bid if you're interested in owning a bit of 70's memorabilia)

Dry and weary land...

2009-03-18T10:12:00.018-05:00

Glancing at the date on my last entry, I'm a little surprised by the time that has rushed past since I wrote last. I never intended this to be a 'to do' project... actually, quite the opposite. I was drawn by the idea that this could be an outlet of written expression - totally of my own making. No guidelines to follow, no deadlines to meet. Just words at my own whim.

And yet...

I do feel a little pressed to make an entry. Not as much for any readers that might happen by... but really more for myself. I have found it very intriguing, this 'blogging' process. In some mysterious way, as my fingers make the keystrokes, something often 'clicks' into place in my thoughts... inside my spirit. I could use that today. So, here I am... typing, thinking.

See, I've been feeling... well, a little spiritually 'dry' lately... thirsty. I found this verse in Psalm 63 that has captured my thoughts ...

O God, you are my God,

earnestly I seek you;

my soul thirsts for you,

my body longs for you,

in a dry and weary land

where there is no water.

I felt the resonance of that passage as it seemed to bring some thoughts into focus for me. This one came to mind quickly...

I'm a bit of a news hound. I like newspapers, news broadcasts, news websites. It's a strange thing really, because I don't really retain much of it. I just like it. But, I'll admit, it's not necessarily a good thing... especially the 'doom & gloom' news we hear constantly right now. Quite literally, we are bombarded with it 24/7: economy, politics, foreign relations, polls, opinions, natural disasters, man-made disasters... on & on it goes.... and all up-to-the-minute!

I'm thinking it's kind of like the effects of alchohol, this steady stream of information. It can feel satisfying for the moment... but, in reality, it's actually accelerating our emotional & spiritual dehydration.

I don't know.... maybe I'm over analyzing it. But even so, it doesn't really take much thought to find the solution. If you're dry & thirsty... water is the obvious solution. And, if you're in a spiritual desert of sorts?

How about Living Water? God, in the old testament, calls Himself "the spring of living water". And, probably more familiar to us... Jesus speaks of it in the NT, as well...

John 4:10 "Jesus answered her, "If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water."

But, as easy an answer as that sounds... why is it that we often bypass Him in our search to cure our thirst? Or, worse... just plop down on the dry, hard ground & sit a while... strangely, opting *not* to drink from this water there for the asking?

That's a question worth thinking about...

Praying...

2009-01-28T13:24:00.013-06:00

Just checking back in on my little blog world... saying 'hi' to anyone dropping by. I glanced back at my last post & I'm having a moment of reflection on that. "First things first"... hmmm... How am I doing with that?

I do have a bit of a pessimistic nature, so my first thought is that it's not going all that well. Have I incorporated quiet time/prayer time/bible reading into every day's experience since that last writing. No.

But... :)

I am seeing some progress! I am trying SO hard to look at this 'big picture' style... and that gives me more comfort & frankly, more encouragement! I have had many days of great prayer time and I sense the Holy Spirit working... building & growing me, even if in small steps.

And, not by coincidence I believe, God led me to a new Bible Study at my church. The truth is - I really didn't pick it for the subject. For one thing, after quite a string of unfinished/incomplete studies in my past - I just felt the need to join a study, work on it every week AND make it to the finish line! Mostly, I'd say I was drawn to join more in an attempt to fellowship with other women in my church, to build upon relationships & perhaps make new ones. Plus, the timeslot was nice & convenient.

So, there you go... all those little duckies lined up nice & straight to make this one a 'do-able' choice. Strangely enough, I knew the title of the study... but I just didn't give it much thought.

So, anyway, I go sign up & get my workbook. Done... committed!

Flipping through it a few days later... uhhh... wow! It turns out that The Power of a Praying Woman is actually about improving MY prayer life!! Ohhh... she means... mine?

Now, I know you're impressed with my detective skills there... admit it! Honestly, I can't explain to you just how God worked that... but He did. As a teacher of 2-yr-olds, I recognize a CLASSIC toddler re-direction technique when I see it!! Or, should I say AFTER I see it, that is?!

Anyway, I'm feeling a little blindsided, but I'm not complaining in the least! Because, if I had really given much thought to what a study on MY prayer life would involve - I'm somewhat sure I might have avoided it. Now that I think about it... it sounds like it could be a little uncomfortable, doesn't it? A little stretching... a little growing... it might even require something painful like praying outloud... in front of people & everything! (gasp!)

See? He re-directed me away from the potentially harmful thoughts towards to more positive ones.... just like I might get a 2-yr-old to focus on an interesting toy if I saw her heading for a problem.

So, here I am... Week 2, Day 3. Obviously, I have a long way to go to meet that "completion" goal. But, I will say that I am connecting with this study in a huge way. I'm praying & reading scripture much more than before it started. A big focus on this initial part of the study has been (get this!) making time for time with God every day. It has spurred me into some really thoughtful prayer. And, truth be told, I'm starting to look forward to those moments I spend in the study. Not too bad, I'd say, for Week 2, Day 3!

Ok, so that's one way God has worked in my life in the last few weeks... but here's another....

I have felt an enormous weight in my heart for a specific situation & I'm experiencing a strong desire to pray about it... daily! In short, there is a little 18-month-old in our extended family that is battling her second round with cancer! I hope I am stating this carefully, so as not to be misunderstood... I feel like our God is the ultimate multi-tasker! I believe He has placed this dear child on my heart so that I can pray for her & her mom. I don't understand why, but for some reason God allows our prayers to be powerful! (His power, not ours!)

But, unlike me, He can accomplish multiple things with His Will and none of them suffer in quality! I feel like He has also placed this weight in my heart to pray for them... in order to draw me closer to Him. Because that's what's happening. As I *feel* a burdened heart for this little one, I pray... as I pray, I am drawing closer to Him. And, His Word holds a promise here...

"Draw near to God and He will draw near to you..." (James 4:8a)

Even as I type this, I'm just not sure that's going to come across right. I fear someone may read that and assume I think that the illness is for my benefit. I don't. All I can say is that I *know* I don't have the answers as to why tragic things happen... but I trust that He does. And, though I may get to see little glimpses of truth in a situation, I by no means see His whole picture.

So... back to "First things first".... I can definitely report that God is providing multiple ways for me to follow that New Year's resolution, offered to Him in prayer. Not in my power, but in His! I'm finding myself drawn to pray this verse often:

Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long. (Psalm 25:4-5)

I have to close for now, but I'm looking forward to sharing more about all this again soon! Thanks for stopping by! ~d

First things first...

2008-12-22T13:34:00.017-06:00

Recently, I dug out my old workbook copy of "Experiencing God". Simply put, this was the most life-changing study I've ever attempted. Ironically, I almost skipped it because the title sounded insincere to me, as if God was something to be manipulated. It turns out, though, my impressions were wrong. Quite the opposite from my initial assumption, it's not about a method or formula... sentence after sentence, it points you towards relationship with God.

As I was re-reading last night, I came across a section that caught my attention. At a time when I'm contemplating the coming new year & possible resolutions... it had special relevance and gave me a bit of new perspective.

(excerpt from section entitled "Walking with God")

"I hear many persons say, "I really struggle to have that time alone with God." If that is a problem you face, let me suggest something to you. Make the priority in your life to come to love Him with all your heart. That will solve most of your problem with quiet time. Your quiet time is because you know Him and, therefore, love Him, not only in order to learn about Him."

OK... this seriously hit home with me... because having a consistent "quiet time" is something I've always desired, but always struggled at maintaining. It usually degrades into a 'check-off' item... and soon, it just stops. So, his thought here is intriguing to me... that a "quiet time" with God isn't a means TO relationship... it is a product OF relationship... a love relationship!

Hmmm....

Looking at it in this light... I can definitely say that I have been attempting to accomplish this as a discipline, in my own power. Perhaps... just perhaps, I have it out of order. Look again at Blackaby's suggestion: "...Make the priority in your life to come to love Him with all your heart."

He is simply pointing us towards the "Great Commandment":

(Matt 22:36-38) "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment."

Most of us might be familiar with this verse... but can we honestly say we make it our life's priority? Day in, day out.... PRIORITY... FIRST? How is it that, calling myself a servant of Christ, I would not put first the very thing commanded as such.

So... here I sit once again, typing & learning. When I came to write out this little thought I was having... I felt sure I would be writing about renewing my dedication to a 'quiet time' as my new year's resolution. But, somewhere among the keystrokes... it has become very clear to me that I am being called to focus on something so much more fundamental, so much more important... something from which all other things will flow.

I am being called to put 'first things first'... and that is my new year's resolution.

'Tis the Season...

2008-12-03T09:07:00.024-06:00

So... are you busy yet? It's that time of year! Decorating, shopping, children's performances, family gatherings... all on top of a weekly schedule that's already full.

Lately, I almost always *feel* like I live on the very edge of my capabilities and even the least little thing can cause it all to topple over. I *feel* like I'm just bouncing from one obligation to the next. Most of the time, I just *feel* overwhelmed by it all. To be honest, the last few months have been spent exactly this way!

But, occasionally... if I STOP & consider it objectively for a moment... I catch a fleeting glimpse of the illusion. You see, I'm busy... but, I don't think I'm really all *that* busy! In those rare moments, I can see that it's more of a state of mind than a reality.... sort of like a switch that just gets left 'on'.

I was reminded of this little saying recently: "If the devil can't keep you sinning, he'll keep you busy." OK - right off the bat - I see a problem with the implied idea that someone might be sinless... but that's not really the point of the phrase, so I'll move on. The point being made is that 'busy-ness' can be used as a tool by Satan. In the midst of my hectic mindset - it gave me a bit of a pause.

There's no denying that our culture today encourages a non-stop lifestyle. It's like a merry-go-round... always in motion, but never really reaching a destination. The ride may be nice for a little while... but honestly, after a couple of rounds, I'm feeling pretty sick. So, too, my days leave me when that rush switch gets left 'on'. I may actually only have a few things on my schedule, but because I'm always focusing on the NEXT thing.... "NOW" gets wasted. At the end of the day, I'm left with a sense of regret & remorse at the time that has slipped by.

So, is this Satan's handiwork? Or, is it simply the result of my own bad choices? I'm guessing it's somewhere in between... maybe a trap that is laid out before me, but definitely my choice that triggers it. I may not know the exact cause... but I'm pretty sure I know where to turn for a solution.

The first scripture that comes to mind is the often quoted passage of Psalm 46:10: "Be still and know that I am God." I think we collectively yearn for this here in our hurried land... this call to "be still". I don't know about you... but to me it has a sound of greatly desired peace & tranquility. But, here's what I'm thinking: if I am having trouble finding the stillness, perhaps it's because I fail to heed the next few words... "know that I am God." You see, knowing that He is God means giving up my claim to being the god of my own little world. It means submitting daily (moment by moment, even) to His plan instead of charging ahead with my own. Knowing that He is God requires that I spend time in His Word & in prayer... not just seeking His guidance, but acting upon it, as well. If I take an honest look at my situation, I just might see that this hurried, hectic state of mind is the result of straying from God's lordship over my everyday life.

For the last couple of weeks, I've been bemoaning to a few of my friends the idea of another fast-paced Christmas season... wishing that I could find a way to make it more meaningful & truly joyous, but not quite sure how to make it happen.

As it turns out... maybe I do, after all!

Wishing you a Christmas season

filled with the blessings of

being still and knowing that He is God!

Appointments: a different perspective

2008-11-10T09:10:00.014-06:00

In my last post, I tried to describe an experience I've been having lately. These little encounters with people where I get to see God working right in front of me... my spoken words, my physical presence - but His purpose, His power. I'm not describing some sort of "out of body" experience where I'm "taken over" by a supernatural force. No - it's just normal everyday kind of conversations, comments, gestures. Nothing brilliant or special on my part... but in His power, turned into something purposeful in someone else.

OK... so why am I exploring this again? Well, last night I was involved in just such an appointment. The difference being that I was on the receiving end! Let's see if I can do it any justice in explaining it...

Our Sunday evening church service was focused on the importance of testimony. I'll say without reservation that the three testimonies presented were POWERFUL! I was reminded just how important our personal witnesses are! We might hear testimonies from someone we don't know & be moved. But, how much more powerful to hear the straightforward, unpolished story of Christ's salvation in your neighbor's life! It was truly profound!

But, God wasn't finished. Our pastor then announced that we would *all* be sharing our testimony! I've spent my life carefully avoiding any such occasion... but I'll just say that God is doing a different work in me today. And, well... I'm slower. So, before I could make an escape - he asked us to reach out beside us & identify a testimony partner. As God would have it, I actually ended up without an immediate partner. But not far away I saw an acquaintance that was also without a partner - so I called out to her. Needless to say, God wasn't deterred in the least by the fact that we weren't sitting next to each other. Apparently, He was doing some appointment scheduling :)

Our assignment was to briefly share our testimony with each other. Truth be known, we have been working up to this on Sunday evenings & we were asked in previous weeks to begin writing out our testimony. In those seconds of getting situated with my partner, I was quite aware that I *should* have done that homework - because it now meant I would just be opening my mouth & hoping for something coherent to come out. Trust me, this is not my strength at all! Unlike my written words, spoken words lack the opportunity for review & edit - a process I dearly value! So... within seconds, I was talking - not sure exactly what would come forth. For me, that situation usually means too many words & disjointed thoughts come tumbling out. I am powerless to stop it!

I began to share with this sweet friend, trying to keep it as 'efficient' as possible. In a nutshell, my story is this: God has always been part of my awareness, someone I knew my family "believed" in... more as a matter of fact, not anything resembling relationship. Church attendance was sporadic & became more rare as I got older. But, what I know is this: At about age 12, alone, in my room one evening - I asked Jesus into my life. I have since spent much time questioning that experience - was it real? Was I really saved at that point? I can only tell you that I now have a firm & unshakable faith, that yes - I was saved at that point. But, I had no support system in which to grow & mature in my faith.

I went on to explain that although I accepted Christ's salvation at that early age - I spent over a decade living contrary to His lordship in my life. I made choice after choice (~sigh~ after choice!!) that could have (should have!) taken me into worldly strongholds. I was headed toward some of the very best pits the world has to offer. I don't think I ever completely forgot that God was there... I just chose to do things my own way. As I verbalized my thankfulness for His hand of protection during those years, I spoke aloud the long-standing question of my heart... why? I've marveled now for years that it was His hand protecting me... I've just never understood why! She was nodding, smiling... and said quietly: "because He loves you."

She had been a great 'active' listener... offering encouragement & expressing understanding words thus far. I continued with my testimony... detailing the point at which my life had taken a turn towards God, instead of continuing my path away from Him.

But, my thoughts were being pulled back to what she had just said... "because He loves you."

It began to flood my heart in a way that I just can't describe to you. It's a simple statement, right? I've had the privilege of hearing it hundreds (thousands?) of times, in many different ways... but in that moment, it was overwhelming in it's power. It was that missing piece to a puzzle... and, ironically, had been in full view all along. Why did He protect me during those 'desert years', as I like to call them?? Because He loves me! I am His child - as the father loved the prodigal son, so too does He love me... (and you, by the way!!) Undeserved, unmerited love!

So - now I'm not even sure what else I said... I think my mouth was on auto-pilot for the rest of my "turn". I was so focused on this revelation happening within my heart. And, even now I worry that you're thinking... "That's it?? She just said that God loves you?? All of *this* to just describe that someone said God loves you??"

Yep, that's pretty much it!

... but, that brings me back to the idea of "the appointment". I don't mean to underestimate my friend's contribution, but I suspect that it was just an unplanned little comment - nothing very deliberate - just part of the conversation. Four simple little words, uttered as encouragement... but God using them powerfully in someone else's heart.

"Appointment" defined!

Watching for the next appointment...

2008-11-09T15:26:00.013-06:00

Do you ever get "stuck" on a word... one that just keeps popping up in your speech & in your thoughts? I don't mean the current popular "catch phrase" that you hear everywhere you go... I'm thinking more personal in nature. For me, this usually has a connection to a spiritual concept that is being built upon or worked out from within... a theme that just keeps showing up for a season of time. I attribute this to God's Holy Spirit at work - growing me, teaching me.

Right now, my word is "appointment". Usually, when I use the word 'appointment', it isn't within the context of something exciting... doctor appointment, car service appointment, dentist appointment, etc, etc. I suppose some of you out there may actually have *fun* appointments, but in my world - appointments are generally just something to check off the list, not something to look forward to.

But, lately the idea of an 'appointment' has taken on a really different feeling for me. I'm not sure where this use of the word first crept into my thought process, but I suspect it is from a book or bible study in my past. So, just for the record, I am not trying to pass this concept off as my own. The idea itself isn't new to me - just it's application in my own life.

You see, I've recently had the incredible privilege of having some God-scheduled "appointments" with people. Encounters where I get to see God working through me in a particular moment. I'm not the power at work, I am very simply the means of delivery. When electricity travels from it's source to turn on the light, the wiring doesn't really do anything... it's just there, right? Well, that's me: I'm not the power at work, I'm just there.

Now, don't get me wrong here... I haven't rescued anyone from a burning building or anything nearly so dramatic. What I have witnessed, though, is God at work through some normal, everyday kind of events: a conversation, an off-hand invitation to church, an email. In my own power, these are just "blips on the screen" in everyday life. But, in God's power?? It's an amazing transformation. He has taken my simple (most of the time, down-right clumsy!) words & actually used them to have meaning for someone else. It might be tempting to think of these as 'small' events - not worthy of much attention. But, our God is purposeful - His every act has value. To be included in even the 'smallest' way? What a tremendous blessing!

I want to be careful to say again that these are not MY appointments... the way I see it, my job is to just keep my eyes on Him. If I start trying to do it in my own power - like Peter, I'll just start sinking! So, I keep reminding myself that the "who, what, when, where" - those are all His details to handle. Honestly, that stuff is way too overwhelming for me anyway... I'm very thankful it's not my job to coordinate all of that. So, my prayer is very basic: that I will choose to make myself available by staying in prayer, that I will have eyes to see where He is leading me... and that I will choose to follow, even when it's not convenient or easy.

In the meantime, I will be waiting, watching & hoping for that next appointment...

Our Beautiful Texas Hill Country...

2008-10-28T17:43:00.008-05:00

We really enjoyed our visit with our dearest friends this past weekend. They get to enjoy this beauty every day just by walking outside...

A New Season...

2008-10-27T16:36:00.019-05:00

You may be thinking I'm a little off in my timing. Even though here in Texas, it *feels* like Fall has just begun... it's still practically mid-season on the calendar.

But, the calendar season isn't what I mean. I'm referring to a season of God's work in my community, my church, my family, and my own heart. Much like the fall just seems to 'suddenly arrive' each year... this spiritual season has caught me almost by surprise.

Each year, as I begin to notice those vibrant reds & oranges of falltime - they always seem 'new' somehow... like they have never been quite *that* color! So, too, am I seeing God's work around me... it almost seems like it's never been quite *that* perfect in it's orchestration.

But, I remind myself... His work has always been perfect, and it will always be so. His work is not new. He does not change.

But, oh! How thankful I am that He brings change in ME! And, today, I am thankful for this refreshed appreciation of His unchanging nature. Just like the crisp, cool breeze I felt outside today - this "new" adoration of Him is not generated by me. It is purely His work... His gift!

And, what a sweet, sweet gift... not only getting to witness His work around me & in me, but adding that extra touch of appreciative joy to accompany it ... it's almost like seeing His work for the first time.

I will praise you, LORD, with all my heart and tell about the wonders you have worked.

God Most High, I will rejoice; I will celebrate and sing because of you. (Psalm 9:1-2)

Filling a space...

2008-10-06T14:46:00.014-05:00

I'll just go ahead & admit it now... this blogging thing, it just might be a little more difficult than I first thought. I fancied that there were layers & layers of witty ideas & insights sitting just below the surface of my everyday life - just waiting to be shared. Ideas & insights that were... well... insightful! (Note the creative juices there just oozing out!)

I mention it just to point out that, while I still have lots of 'growing room' in my own blogs, I have found some here that are REALLY GOOD! Over at "LESS of me", Luanne does a great job of using her everyday life as a springboard into meaningful discussion of spiritual principles. Here's one I was particularly drawn to.

Luanne finds meaning & inspiration in her plastic containers! Now that really speaks to me!! Let's not ponder too long on what exactly that says about me... but, I was thinking, if Luanne can share about plastic containers - I could share with you this idea that was inspired by my purse.

I have this new purse. Much to my husband's relief, I do not have expensive tastes in handbags. I have good friends that do - and don't get me wrong - some of those bags are nice! It's not that I feel deprived by not having one - it's just simply not my thing. Even so, I often feel compelled to share with my husband just how lucky he is in this regard. I mean, if he's so blessed to have such a wife, he should at least know it! From time to time, I will casually mention to him the approximate price of a handbag I see someone carrying... just so he can be properly appreciative. Just my little way of being helpful.

But, I digress...

Ok, my purse... it's rather nondescript as far as handbags go, but my particular attraction to it was it's efficiency: lots of pockets, sections & extra space.... it's the Container Store of purses! For those of you that might share in my borderline-obsession with organizational items, I know you'll understand. A place for everything - gotta love that! As I transferred my items over into it, I did note the leftover, empty space with a bit of caution. I already know this principle: many things (or people!) tend to g-r-o-w to fill the environment they are placed in. I made a mental note to resist this tendency inside my bag. Problem solved, right?

Of course not! I just went to check - it now weighs right at 5 pounds! I'll confess, I thought it would be more - but I did just clean it out a couple of days ago ;) Now you've invested this much time in reading about my purse - you're ready for the great insight, right?

It's simple, really... as I thought about this principle of "filling the allotted environment", the ultimate picture of this came to me:
God, too, will fill the space that we purposefully choose to give Him. This thought flooded my mind with possibilities...

Dedicate time for reading His Word: He will fill it!
Set aside a time of prayer & praise: He will fill it!
Dedicate time for serving others in His name: He will fill it!
Set aside (empty) your heart from self-driven motives: He will fill it!

It's really endless when you start thinking about it.

I believe our God is all about 'choice'. He could have created robot-creatures, but He didn't. He gave us free will... choice! We may choose to invite Him in or choose not to (but, make no mistake here - it's a choice either way!) I believe when we choose with a humble, servant's heart to ask Him into our 'space', He fills it in a way that we couldn't imagine.

Today, I'll challenge you (and myself!) to find even one small space in your day, in your life... and choose to set it aside specifically for Him! My prayer for you is this:

(Romans 15:13) May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Eyes to see...

2008-09-17T11:20:00.015-05:00

Recently, I was in the car, running errands, radio on. I consider the ability to dial up contemporary Christian music on my radio to be quite a blessing in my life... God often uses it in my spirit as an encouragement. On this particular day, though, He got my attention in another way...

One of my latest favorites came on... Brandon Heath's "Give me your eyes". It's one of those where you just have to turn up the volume a little & sing along. Have you heard it? If not - go check it out: http://www.brandonheath.net/

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Yeah, I mean right now - go! I'll wait...

Ok - now you've heard it - it's great, right? :)

Back to the story...

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Sooo.....I'm singing along as I approach an intersection....
"all those people going somewhere... why have I never cared..."

~sigh~ light is turning red ....

"Give me your eyes for just one second..."

slowing, coming to a stop...

"Give me your eyes so I can see..."

still singing along, glancing around the intersection...

"Everything that I keep missing, Give me your love for humanity"...

Oh, no! There's a 'team' of "homeless people" at several points of this intersection. And, there's one standing right beside the spot where I'll be stopping.

"Give me your arms for the broken hearted..."

Quick, look away before we make eye contact...

"The ones that are far beyond my reach..."

Not fast enough... he shows me the sign he's holding, it's an appeal for help...

"Give me you heart for the ones forgotten..."

I give a small "compassionate" smile, an almost imperceptible nod (no)... and look away as if something draws my attention elsewhere. Seems like it takes forever for the lights to cycle.

"Give me your eyes so I can see..."

"Yeah..... Yeah...... Yeah...... Yeah...."

Green Light! Whew! Glad that's over with! C'mon... you know what I'm saying...right? It's a little uncomfortable in that situation. Stuck there for the moment, you're forced to deal with that appeal in one way or another... give something, yell at him, scowl at him, pretend not to see him, just stare at him... smile, but nod "no". You see, no matter which you choose, you can't escape the response.

I mean, I didn't have money to give him... and he would probably use it for drugs or alcohol anyway, right? And, we shouldn't encourage them to stand there in traffic where it's not safe, right? And, besides that, I've heard stories that these guys make more money than I do! He will never go out & get a job if we let him stand there & get "easy" money, right?

"I’ve been here a million times

A couple of million eyes

Just move and pass me by

I swear I never thought that I was wrong

I need a second glance

Give me a second chance

To see the way you’ve seen the people all along..."

Then it came... that quiet but powerful whisper in my spirit...

"Do you really mean that?

What you're singing...

do you REALLY mean that?"

Wow... it hit me like the proverbial "ton of bricks" - I did not mean it! I was satisfied with the defense I had already worked out, the answers I had already formulated. In other words, I was perfectly content with my own eyes... despite what my mouth was saying!

Today, a couple of weeks later... I can't claim to have an answer to share with you on the plight of homelessness. But, I can tell you that every time I hear that song now... I stop & think about what I'm singing. And, somehow, I suspect that this is only the beginning of the lesson...

A glimpse of joy...

2008-09-12T08:43:00.004-05:00

Honestly, I think two-year-olds get too much bad press... the "terrible twos" and all that! God has blessed me with the opportunity to not only have a couple of my own to see through this phase... but, for a few years now, I've been a 2's "teacher". Am I some sort of expert? Nahh... I'm just a mom who wandered into the field. But, I've found that if I listen closely, God uses these little ones to teach me things in my own life. To be truthful, though, it's not always a pleasant lesson... like the times (don't miss the plural there!) He reminds me that the tantrum I'm seeing in front of me isn't all that different from the tantrum I'm living out in front of Him. Oh, it may look a little different on the OUTSIDE, but trust me... on the INSIDE it's much the same! ~Sigh~ But, let's just save those lessons for a different day :)

What's really on my heart today is the beautiful glimpse of joy that I was privileged to encounter a couple of days ago. It was the first day of class for my new friends and it was time to sit down to lunch. I prompted them to use their "praying hands" and began the little prayer song that I use for mealtime. Of course, as their teacher, I model the "head bowed, eyes closed" posture I hope for them to adopt. But, as any wise mom will tell you... ya gotta peek in case one tries to make a run for it :)

So... I peeked. All was well & everyone accounted for. But, my eyes were drawn to one little face... eyes delicately closed, hands pressed together for prayer... and an expression that is hard to describe in words. I just don't think I can truly convey the sweetness I saw in that brief moment. It was as if God allowed my mind to take a snapshot picture of what prayer can be like. It wasn't a set of motions for this little one... it wasn't a duty... it wasn't a struggle for focus. It was pure contentment.

Now, I'm not interested in a debate about 'original sin' versus 'age of accountability'... I'll just tell you that I firmly trust that God has this little child covered and under His protection. I believe Jesus was referring to a small child when He said ...for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these (Luke 18:16). Maybe even one like the little friend in front of me... able to go to Him in innocence (sins forgiven) and enjoy the sweet presence of His peace & joy.

As adults, won't we come to Him in prayer broken... in tears, in pain? Yes, over sin in our own life & sin in the world. But, when we are in close relationship with Him - giving our life over to Him, confessing our sins before Him... I believe there are times we are allowed to experience that same sweetness that I saw in my little friend... pure, sweet restful joy that we all truly desire.

Jesus said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. (Matt 11:28) My little friend didn't come to him weary & burdened, but I do think she encountered His rest. And, for just a moment I was blessed to see a glimpse of it on her face... and, trust me, it was beautiful beyond words!