can we just be real?

I want REAL. Like the kind of WANT a 2-yr-old, tantrum-throwing child has when she is only satisfied with that one beloved toy & throws everything else to the ground. I want 'real' from those around me and I want it from myself.

And, that's why I haven't posted in a while, I guess. It's not that I haven't had time... and it's not exactly that I've had 'writer's block'. I've even started a couple of pieces that I suspect will stay in 'draft' mode forever... and more than a few that I just erased completely. There was just nothing where I could feel any real depth. And, as much as I love you joining me on this blogging project (all 3 of you!! *lol*)... in my heart, I know that I am not doing this for an audience. My purpose here (as best as I know it) is simply to raise my hand and point to something I see God doing. (With all emphasis, of course, on God - not on me.) For me, He is what's real - and it's getting harder & harder to settle for less.

So, all that just begs the question... "What is God doing around my life right now?" With a build up like that, I better have something pretty good, right?

Well, here's the REAL answer for you: I only wish I knew! I am certain He's working, but I'm getting to see only little glimpses right now. For instance, here is my latest little glimpse of this picture He is creating in & around my life. I write it knowing very well that it may lose just about everything in the translation... that it is likely something that only interests me. But, today I feel the need to point to what I see Him doing.... without regard to how it might "read".

Sunday morning, I just happened to check in on a friends blog. I never (let me think here... yep, that's right - NEVER) get on the computer before church on Sunday morning. And, thinking about it... landing on that blog seems now almost completely random. I love her blog (thanks, btw, Jess!), but it had been a while since I had checked in on any blogs. I read a bit, caught some new thoughts she's just learned from her Beth Moore study (always love a good Beth Moore-inspired post!)... and get about half way down the page. Ohhhh... cool... she linked a Casting Crowns video!

I absolutely love CC... and low & behold... it's one of my all-time favorite songs, Somewhere in the Middle. One that's not on the radio too much, but goodness knows I've worn out that cd track. And here's another interesting twist... as many times as I've listened to that song - I don't guess I've ever looked at the words while it was playing. This just happened to be one of the youtube videos with just sound & lyrics. (Are you catching all of the "just happened to be's" yet??)

So, even though I've heard the song too many times to count, I'm actually soaking in the lyrics in a new way. And, then... one particular comment in her blog catches my attention. Talking about fear, she wrote... "This is where I’ve staked a tent and camped out for WAY too long now. ”Somewhere in the Middle.” Knowing all that He’s done, and yet not fully trusting in all He’ll do."

This really struck a chord for me. Hard to explain, but it was both in a way that was all-at-once and yet seeming to confirm something I knew all along. Yeah, I get it. I've really been camped out in this middle ground too. Not exactly in the same way my friend was describing, but definitely a middle ground of my own. Too far into this relationship with God to even want to go back, but still holding back from those last few steps to the 'all in' line. My middle ground. I went so far as to add a little comment to her blog about sharing that campsite... and realizing it was time to break camp.

Fast forward one hour. I'm now sitting in the sanctuary at church. The music has faded & our pastor begins to speak. THE...FIRST.... WORDS.... out of his mouth?

"Write this down: there is no middle ground."

(pause for effect here...)

So.... you're getting that, right? Well, even if you aren't.... I sure did! In fact, let's cut to re-play...

9am - realizing that I seem to be camped out in a middle ground (exact words)
10am - hearing from God (loud & clear!) that 'middle ground' (exact words)?.... well, it doesn't exist.

Now, that I've had a little time to soak in it... what I sense Him saying is something like this... "You are right about the need to break camp... but you need to know the truth about where your campsite REALLY is.... because you are WAY too comfortable in what you are calling 'middle ground'!"

I did say I wanted 'REAL', right?