Don't miss the "little things"...

This morning, as we got into the car for some errands, I was working on a seriously bad attitude. Absolutely nothing significant, but a quick string of frustrations had gotten the best of me in a matter of moments & I was feeling pretty short-tempered. Funny how quickly that can happen, huh?

So, I'm wallowing in this attitude stew... feeling it take over inside. That feeling where you know it's a bad attitude, but you seem powerless to stop it. I turn on the radio... sure enough, the song is annoying. Really... annoying! I change the channel... and here's what I hear...

And I want you to know

That I'm not letting go

Even when you come undone

I've heard this song many times (Matthew West's "More")... it's a catchy tune, but I haven't really focused on the words. That word "undone" ... it caught my FULL attention! Even though it had come on quickly & was really due to nothing important... in that moment, "undone" seemed like a perfect description of my state of mind. So, as I focused on the words more intently... here's how it continues:

I love you more than the sun

And the stars that I taught how to shine

You are mine, and you shine for me too

I love you yesterday and today

And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again

I love you more

I love you more

Shine for Me, Shine for Me

(the chorus repeats & finishes with...)

And I see you

And I made you

And I love you more than you can imagine

More than you can fathom

I love you more than the sun

And you shine for me

There are so many lessons I could draw from this ‘little’ experience and what a great illustration it is for a study I am currently doing... but what is impressed upon me most is this:

In a seemingly insignificant, "little" moment of my day... My God ~Creator of the universe, All-Knowing & Infinite~ chose to reach into my physical world, speaking words of love & encouragement. And, He did so in a moment I was so acutely undeserving of it.

He spoke to me.

"Little thing"? Hardly!

Verging...

On the verge of something... that feeling has been with me for a season now. In the sense that something is on the horizon.... coming up, on the way. Not something I've really put words to, but I've grown familiar with it's presence within my spirit. Some days it's very strong, others just a quiet whisper.

Today, as I sat down here to type - the feeling was strong and the words 'on the verge' began to roll around in my thoughts. I wanted a better context for the word, so I looked up the official definition. Just as I was thinking, I saw that it conveys the idea of an edge or rim.... on the brink of something about to occur.

But, I also noticed a different meaning that caught me off guard:
“to be in the process of becoming something else” (italics mine)

Verging. Very intriguing! And maybe a bit scary, too, if I'm honest... especially (extremely so, even?) for a word dropped into your lap, spiritually speaking.

You know, we can get pretty comfortable with “this”.

“Something else”... especially a “something else” you can’t see... that can bring up a little fear.

Reminds me of the song by Sanctus Real... Whatever You’re Doing...

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

For me, I think that really says where I’m at spiritually... where I’ve been for a while. I feel like God has brought me to the brink of something that I can’t see, and He is patiently waiting for my surrender to it... or, more accurately... to Him.

Until then... I remain on the verge... of verging.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! (2 Corinthians 5:17)

The "S" Word...

I'm sensing a bit of resistance within to sharing this recent life lesson. I recognize that stubborn feeling though... and it's not one I should indulge. Plus, I think this might be a lesson I'm likely to overlook after a little time has gone by... so I'll forge ahead...


A friend & I co-lead a scout troop. Several months ago, our troop scheduled an overnight trip for the beginning of May. We were all looking forward to it! But, as the date approached... we found our state & nation engulfed in a flu panic. The timing really could not have been more perfect for conflict. Had the trip been a week earlier, we wouldn't have thought twice about going.... and, likewise, if it had been a week later. But, there in the 2-3 days before we were scheduled to leave... public precaution reached it's peak and we were faced with the decision to continue or cancel. School closings were being announced daily, suspected & confirmed cases of the flu were being tallied almost up to the minute. A media blitz was in high gear!

Naturally, parental opinions ranged from one end of the scale to the other. Even my husband, not usually swayed by such things, wasn't sure it was a wise choice to go. So, trust me when I say, I lived & breathed this quandary for a couple of days: to go or not to go! I am not happy to report it, but I was totally stressed!

What I really wanted was for some 'governing authority' to make the call. I scanned the internet, listened to the news, called the local scouting office & contacted the event host.... multiple times. It wasn't exactly that I wanted to escape responsibility... it was more a feeling of being under-qualified to make the decision at hand. With so many sources of information, it was impossible to find *the* one to follow. I prayed. A lot! But, I did not sense a direction either way... and I did not feel one bit of peace. As the phone continued to ring, different people weighing in... my husband (again stating that he would rather we didn't go) commented that he would not want to be me at that moment. The decision was finally made to continue as planned, unless new information came to light. Each participant (parent) was urged to make their own personal decision as to attend or not. The almost-perfect middle ground.

I just couldn't shake the deep unrest I felt, though. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but it seemed to be spiritual in nature. I had searched for an authority in the matter, but couldn't find one. When I pleaded my case to God... I didn't sense any answer... and I certainly didn't feel any peace. What was missing?

And, then it clicked!


(OK... here's where I hold my breath, type fast & get it over with quickly... this is not an easy topic for me!)

What was missing was... submission. To my husband. I finally realized that God had already provided the exact leadership I was looking for... way back when I said "I do". But, I was looking right past him. I'm not saying he should have made the call for the troop, but the truth is... I should have been looking to him to make the call for *his* family (our daughter & myself), but I was so absorbed in "my stuff" that I just didn't see it.

To give myself a little wiggle room here... he never said NOT to go. (Now THAT would have gotten my attention for sure... but probably not in a good way!) He had, however, clearly indicated it was not what he preferred. It wasn't that I was being deliberately contrary... I just didn't stop & think it out. I was wrapped up in my flurry of stress & worry. (Note to self: stress = counter-productive.)

But in the moment I made up my mind to go with his decision on the matter, I found that rest & peace I knew I was missing. I'm really not exaggerating at all... I went from knot-in-my-stomach stress to wow-that-feels-sooo-much-better peace in a matter of minutes! I quickly understood why my prayers seemed to 'fail' and why the situation was setting off spiritual alarms for me: I was working outside of God's established system.

Now that I've had some reflection time... I'm pretty amazed at God's gentle guiding in it all. I won't say that submission will ever be an easy topic for me. In fact, my generation may have one of the bigger struggles with this idea. Everything that has been culturally ingrained into us strains against it. But, wow... was this ever a powerfully tangible lesson for me. Physically tangible!

So... the end of the story? It all actually worked out just fine. When I made up my mind to follow my husband's leading, I assumed we would not be going. But, by the time a final call had to be made, he was comfortable with us going, after all. The trip was good and, without that burden of stress, I was actually able to enjoy it. But, much more valuable for me was the chance to see God's plan worked out before me. Had I held on to my personal will to choose, I would have missed out on such a blessing tucked away inside my heart!

The precepts of the LORD are right, giving joy to the heart.

The commands of the LORD are radiant, giving light to the eyes.

(Psalm 19:8)

Purpose...

Purpose... that's where my thoughts are today. It was something touched upon in discussion yesterday at our biblestudy. There was talk about our life's purpose... mostly what I call 'big picture' stuff.

We all have purpose to glorify God & to be in relationship with Him... I get that. And, that is no small thing. In fact, it is truly everything!

But, you know what I'm talking about, right? This idea that we all have a grand, individual, overriding life purpose...
... a mission
.... a "job"
..... "the" thing that you do

Someone might say their purpose is to sing, another might be called to a life of missions, still another could say they were made to evangelize. They seem to have a very clear grasp on this... confident in their path. But, honestly, this subject has always intimidated me a little. Because, as of yet, I haven't "discovered" my "big-picture" purpose. I'm not saying that God hasn't given me gifts to use... I've just not found ONE that I felt best defined my purpose here on the planet.

It just seems to me that... yes, some people definitely have a 'big picture' purpose in their life... but some of us , however, may not. Maybe... this isn't a "one size fits all" concept. And, even though in my past I may have been a little more eager to find that 'big picture' purpose I thought I was supposed to have... now I'm starting to find that I'm ok with the possibility of not having one. I'm open to the idea that there might be something 'big picture' in my future... but if not, I think I can honestly say... I'm good with that.

Because... what if... God has different ways of approaching this? Maybe I'm not designed to be a specialist! Looking back, what I think I see is a trend of 'small picture' purpose happening in my life. Little moments, almost imperceptible if I'm not watching closely. Moments where I'm pretty sure I've served a specific purpose in someone's life... but in a brief moment. A hug, a conversation, maybe just a comment in passing... but almost always something that I've walked away from wondering... where did that come from?! Why on earth did I say... that?

Well, really... I'm past the stage of wondering where it comes from. I know. I still marvel at it... but I know where it's from. I'm starting to think of it as a 'girl friday' sort of purpose ... odd jobs, so to speak :) I've learned fairly well the difference between things that I orchestrate & the things that are orchestrated beyond me. And, slowly, I'm beginning to recognize the feeling of surpressing it, too. (I pray that I will learn to avoid that feeling better as time goes by!)

I think I may even have a small glimpse of understanding as to why 'purpose' might happen this way. (And, please don't think that I'm using this as a sweeping generalization for anyone else... ) but for me, I think it might be a matter of pride. I wonder how I would handle a talent or gift that was so predominant, it would overshadow my entire life. Not that it's something I care to admit, but I think I might be a little prideful about it. And, knowing myself like I do, I'm pretty sure that if I had that ONE big gift... well, I might try to control, manage, enhance, harness and (ouch!) exploit it... just a little.

Is it possible He already knows this about me?? Uhhh... yes, without a doubt. Is it possible that He is, then, working for my good?? Again, yes... I think so.

Because, the way it works for me right now... I'm usually blindsided by these 'small picture' episodes of purpose. I don't usually see them coming & sometimes I'm not even quick enough to avoid them! I hope it doesn't sound too harsh to say... I think He keeps me on a short leash, this way. I'm dependent on Him for the situation, as well as the actions & words within that situation. It almost sounds like there's not much "me" in it at all....

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...................... ok, yeah.... I get it!


One other thought... all of these 'small picture' things that happen... in the end, from the other side of our earthly perspective... maybe they actually create a 'big picture' after all.

But, if not... I'm good with that, too :)



For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

I am not God...

I'm quite sure that doesn't surprise you. In the least.

But, I think it might come as a shock to... well, me. The innermost "me" that thinks she is running the show. The one who stresses & worries about all of those details that just seem *so* overwhelmingly important... the details that are just screaming out for my control.

Hmmm.... are they... really?

A few selected thoughts from the book Crazy Love (F. Chan):

"Worry implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives."

"Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control."

"Both worry and stress reek of arrogance."

"Who do we think we are?"

Indeed... exactly (W)ho do I think I am?

The Redemption Center

I used the word "redeem" the other day at our ladies' bible study. When it came out of my mouth, I thought it sounded a bit too 'churchy', but that's really not at all how I think of it. My mental illustration of the word 'redeem' has a more decidedly humble background...

From my 70's childhood, I remember "S&H Greenstamps". As memory serves, they would give you these little green stamps (think: postage stamps) when you made a purchase at the grocery store. Some of the 'fancier' stores had little machines that would spit out the stamps automatically, but alas... ours were just handed to us from a drawer by the cashier. The larger the purchase, the more stamps you received. You saved these up by pasting them into a special book, a page at a time, until you filled the book. This 'lick & stick' project fell to me... and I thought it was a great privilege.



But, the best thing about the Greenstamps was... redemption! After you saved up a sufficient number of books, you could take them to a special store called the Redemption Center. We had one in our hometown, making this a very tangible experience for me. You could take in your books & trade them for some pretty good stuff! For some reason, I remember the kitchen items the most - mixers, blenders, popcorn poppers, etc. I'm sure they had kid items... but I think I was impressed that you could actually trade in these books for important items (i.e. grown-up stuff!!) The stamps themselves, as much as I might have enjoyed being in charge of them, were really worthless of their own accord. There at the Redemption Center... they were in the business of taking in that which was worthless and giving out valuable things in return.

So... that's the image in my mind when I use the word "redeem". A vivid set of memories brings this idea to life for me. I can recall clearly my mom's wallet, which usually had a strip of stamps tucked inside... or one or two loose stamps in with the coins. See, definitely not 'churchy'... but I think that's what makes it so real to me. When I hear Jesus described as 'Redeemer'... it connects with me. Not in a complicated, sophisticated, or lofty way... but in a down-to-earth way that touches that place where fond memories reside. In other words, it's not just a religious precept... I genuinely "get it".

And, this was what I hoped to convey the other day... Yes, He is our Redeemer at the highest level... allowing us to trade our death for His Eternal Life. Please understand, it all starts there.

But... He also acts as Redeemer in other ways, as well. What about those 'little books' within your lifestory that you wish weren't there? Maybe it's a situation, a hurt, a sin... something that you rather would *not* exist at all... something that you wish could be forgotten altogether. The honest truth is, you probably will never forget it. But, what if... it could be redeemed? What if you could take this worthless thing & trade it in for something of value... something truly good? Would you do it?

The good news is... you can! Just like we traded in our little bits of worthless paper and received something desirable, something valuable.... so can you! Jesus is in the business of redeeming all kinds of things that, on their own, are truly worthless. Imagine that for a moment... something that brings layers of pain & guilt for you... something that you can't forget, no matter how hard you try. But, can you imagine 'turning it in'? Giving it away & receiving something like peace... contentment... even joy? I've seen it happen and it has a beauty that is hard to describe.

There are millions of examples, I suppose, of how this has happened in people's lives. Each one a little different... each one custom made to the individual! But, perhaps none of them as truly meaningful in your heart as the one you experience yourself. So, if there is something like that in your life today... why not turn it in for redemption? You may be surprised at it's value!

" (He) redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion..." (Psalm 103:4)

(for the record... I borrowed the above pic from an ebay auction... go make a bid if you're interested in owning a bit of 70's memorabilia)

Dry and weary land...

Glancing at the date on my last entry, I'm a little surprised by the time that has rushed past since I wrote last. I never intended this to be a 'to do' project... actually, quite the opposite. I was drawn by the idea that this could be an outlet of written expression - totally of my own making. No guidelines to follow, no deadlines to meet. Just words at my own whim.

And yet...

I do feel a little pressed to make an entry. Not as much for any readers that might happen by... but really more for myself. I have found it very intriguing, this 'blogging' process. In some mysterious way, as my fingers make the keystrokes, something often 'clicks' into place in my thoughts... inside my spirit. I could use that today. So, here I am... typing, thinking.

See, I've been feeling... well, a little spiritually 'dry' lately... thirsty. I found this verse in Psalm 63 that has captured my thoughts ...

O God, you are my God,

earnestly I seek you;

my soul thirsts for you,

my body longs for you,

in a dry and weary land

where there is no water.

I felt the resonance of that passage as it seemed to bring some thoughts into focus for me. This one came to mind quickly...

I'm a bit of a news hound. I like newspapers, news broadcasts, news websites. It's a strange thing really, because I don't really retain much of it. I just like it. But, I'll admit, it's not necessarily a good thing... especially the 'doom & gloom' news we hear constantly right now. Quite literally, we are bombarded with it 24/7: economy, politics, foreign relations, polls, opinions, natural disasters, man-made disasters... on & on it goes.... and all up-to-the-minute!

I'm thinking it's kind of like the effects of alchohol, this steady stream of information. It can feel satisfying for the moment... but, in reality, it's actually accelerating our emotional & spiritual dehydration.

I don't know.... maybe I'm over analyzing it. But even so, it doesn't really take much thought to find the solution. If you're dry & thirsty... water is the obvious solution. And, if you're in a spiritual desert of sorts?

How about Living Water? God, in the old testament, calls Himself "the spring of living water". And, probably more familiar to us... Jesus speaks of it in the NT, as well...

John 4:10 "Jesus answered her, "If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water."

But, as easy an answer as that sounds... why is it that we often bypass Him in our search to cure our thirst? Or, worse... just plop down on the dry, hard ground & sit a while... strangely, opting *not* to drink from this water there for the asking?

That's a question worth thinking about...