can we just be real?

I want REAL. Like the kind of WANT a 2-yr-old, tantrum-throwing child has when she is only satisfied with that one beloved toy & throws everything else to the ground. I want 'real' from those around me and I want it from myself.

And, that's why I haven't posted in a while, I guess. It's not that I haven't had time... and it's not exactly that I've had 'writer's block'. I've even started a couple of pieces that I suspect will stay in 'draft' mode forever... and more than a few that I just erased completely. There was just nothing where I could feel any real depth. And, as much as I love you joining me on this blogging project (all 3 of you!! *lol*)... in my heart, I know that I am not doing this for an audience. My purpose here (as best as I know it) is simply to raise my hand and point to something I see God doing. (With all emphasis, of course, on God - not on me.) For me, He is what's real - and it's getting harder & harder to settle for less.

So, all that just begs the question... "What is God doing around my life right now?" With a build up like that, I better have something pretty good, right?

Well, here's the REAL answer for you: I only wish I knew! I am certain He's working, but I'm getting to see only little glimpses right now. For instance, here is my latest little glimpse of this picture He is creating in & around my life. I write it knowing very well that it may lose just about everything in the translation... that it is likely something that only interests me. But, today I feel the need to point to what I see Him doing.... without regard to how it might "read".

Sunday morning, I just happened to check in on a friends blog. I never (let me think here... yep, that's right - NEVER) get on the computer before church on Sunday morning. And, thinking about it... landing on that blog seems now almost completely random. I love her blog (thanks, btw, Jess!), but it had been a while since I had checked in on any blogs. I read a bit, caught some new thoughts she's just learned from her Beth Moore study (always love a good Beth Moore-inspired post!)... and get about half way down the page. Ohhhh... cool... she linked a Casting Crowns video!

I absolutely love CC... and low & behold... it's one of my all-time favorite songs, Somewhere in the Middle. One that's not on the radio too much, but goodness knows I've worn out that cd track. And here's another interesting twist... as many times as I've listened to that song - I don't guess I've ever looked at the words while it was playing. This just happened to be one of the youtube videos with just sound & lyrics. (Are you catching all of the "just happened to be's" yet??)

So, even though I've heard the song too many times to count, I'm actually soaking in the lyrics in a new way. And, then... one particular comment in her blog catches my attention. Talking about fear, she wrote... "This is where I’ve staked a tent and camped out for WAY too long now. ”Somewhere in the Middle.” Knowing all that He’s done, and yet not fully trusting in all He’ll do."

This really struck a chord for me. Hard to explain, but it was both in a way that was all-at-once and yet seeming to confirm something I knew all along. Yeah, I get it. I've really been camped out in this middle ground too. Not exactly in the same way my friend was describing, but definitely a middle ground of my own. Too far into this relationship with God to even want to go back, but still holding back from those last few steps to the 'all in' line. My middle ground. I went so far as to add a little comment to her blog about sharing that campsite... and realizing it was time to break camp.

Fast forward one hour. I'm now sitting in the sanctuary at church. The music has faded & our pastor begins to speak. THE...FIRST.... WORDS.... out of his mouth?

"Write this down: there is no middle ground."

(pause for effect here...)

So.... you're getting that, right? Well, even if you aren't.... I sure did! In fact, let's cut to re-play...

9am - realizing that I seem to be camped out in a middle ground (exact words)
10am - hearing from God (loud & clear!) that 'middle ground' (exact words)?.... well, it doesn't exist.

Now, that I've had a little time to soak in it... what I sense Him saying is something like this... "You are right about the need to break camp... but you need to know the truth about where your campsite REALLY is.... because you are WAY too comfortable in what you are calling 'middle ground'!"

I did say I wanted 'REAL', right?

Passing this along...

We are in the midst of preparing for our revival services at church... this was today's devotional by our pastor. I really wanted to share it... so here it is:

We all share a deep desire to be more intimate and more devoted to God. Like I mentioned yesterday, I believe we all love God, but we sometimes are not experiencing being in love with him. It often seems like there is something that gets in the way of that kind of heart-felt, devotional love. We all have the desire to give our hearts to Him, but this desire is often shared with desires for a lot of other stuff. As John Piper puts it, our decreased hunger for God is not because He is unsavory, but because we keep ourselves stuffed with other things. In other words, we are so full of food, entertainment, work, play, kids, school, friends, and life that we have no appetite left for God.

There is nothing wrong with all those things. It is not the big things that rob us of our hunger for God. It is the constant nibbling at the table of the world that leaves us so full that we have no appetite left for him! I run into this problem every Thanksgiving. I get excited about the family and the fellowship, but I really like the meal. All day long, I nibble and snack and when the main meal comes, I don’t really enjoy it.

In our lives, we are nibbling on work, family, computers, investing, TV, internet, gaming, sports, school, shopping, exercising, talking on the phone, home repair, and even our Christian walk. While all these are fine, taken together they can leave us so full that we have nothing left for God. Wouldn’t it be great to be so full of God we didn’t have room for the rest? Oh, to experience such fullness!

There's even a little more ... click on his link over on the right side of my blog to check it out!

A Special Reminder...

Earlier today, I returned from my weekly route with Meals on Wheels with a smile. I'm a few months into this project... and I just have to say - if you've ever thought about checking it out... DO IT! It's a great service, pretty easy to do & I just bet drivers are needed in your area, wherever that may be.

But, as much as I like the feeling of being helpful... really, the truth is that I *get* more than I give. Today, I'm pretty sure I heard a well-placed reminder from God through a conversation with one of the sweet friends I deliver to. I'm 100% sure that she didn't realize she was saying something that would touch my heart and speak into my life... but I believe God knew I needed a special reminder.

'Sis' is a dear lady that has become very special to me & I always enjoy our moments of conversation. I've gotten to hear lots about her childhood as she talks through some of her memories. Today, we again talked of her school days as a young girl. When she mentioned a "Victory Party", I was intrigued & inquired deeper. She explained that the students would host a variety show, of sorts, and would charge 'victory stamps or bonds' for admission. But, as she was explaining it, one particular memory came to the surface for her & she shared it with me.

For one of these parties, Sis & some other girls had prepared a dance to perform. Come show night, Sis even had a new handmade dress to wear for the occasion. As the performance began, she danced her heart out. But, after a few moments into the dance... the sleeves of her brand new dress came off! Her mom had basted the sleeves onto the dress, but had forgotten to go back and run a permanent seam. Sweet, tender-hearted Sis was mortified & began to well up with tears. But, her teacher came instantly to the rescue with love & reassurance that it was all ok. Even as Sis relayed this to me today, some 70 odd years later, the resulting calm & peace from that loving gesture was unmistakeable. Sis wasn't really laughing as she told me the story, as you might think. She told it just as she remembered it... sweetly... fondly. And after a pause, she told me this: "Adults sometimes don't understand the impact they have on a small child."

Now, maybe you're thinking... sweet story.... but??? What's your point? It's this... right now in my real life (away from this computer) I'm preparing for another year as a teacher in an early childhood setting. After 5 years in my cozy, comfortable spot, I've agreed to change age-levels. In other words, I've set myself up for lots of change. None of it is "bad" at all... it's just change! And, I've been somewhat consumed with it (and the multiple other examples of change occuring in my life at the moment, by the way!) I'll admit, I've been struggling a little bit to find my footing.

So, what impacts me most about her story today is this: All these years later, what does Sis remember? The love & kindness her teacher gave to her. It was evident in her expression & in her voice as she retold this event. It has stayed with her all these years.

This is certainly a lesson I already "knew"... and I believe it with all my heart. But, I feel that God wanted me to hear the emotion in her voice and see the expressions on her face... as a tangible reminder. As important as letters & numbers & colors are in the life of a pre-schooler... and as important as it is to plan & prepare... I think He wanted me to keep in mind the ~most~ important aspect of my job which is simply to love.


"Love never fails" (1 Cor 13:8a)

Walking Through It...

As of this past Monday... a particular season of my life came to a close. (Well, barring any bona fide miracles, that is.) I took my youngest child to his first day of kindergarten... and left empty handed! After almost 10 years of having a little one by my side 24/7... it was over. Just like that. Over!! One minute, I was clicking off pictures & all smiles... the next minute, I was a teary-eyed mess! I knew I had to get out of there quick... and have a little "moment" to collect myself.

My husband seemed mildly surprised at my reaction (like... "uhhh - you're not *really* going to get too carried away here, are you?") But, I tear up for books, movies, weddings of people who are practically strangers to me.... even a good commercial every once in a while, for goodness sakes!! What was he thinking? This was certainly a good occasion for a few teardrops, right?!

I guess to be completely honest though... I was surprised at myself, too. I knew it would be an emotional day... but, here's the thing... I think that because I could see this situation coming (after all, I had those same 10 years to prepare)... and I had given it some thought as to how it would feel.... that somehow I believed I could escape the emotional impact of walking t-h-r-o-u-g-h it. It was like right smack dab in the middle of it, I realized --- "ohhhh... now I see.... this really is hard."

Funny thing is... this scenario has been playing out repeatedly for me lately. I think I see what's coming & then I'm overwhelmed when it comes to pass. I'm not sure I've discovered any great pearls of wisdom here... except maybe this... if you see a reoccuring pattern - pay attention! There's gotta be a lesson in it.

And, probably more important...

I've certainly been reminded of the necessity of prayer. Most of the time, we tend to sideline prayer... we see it as something optional. But, there are days when your spirit will truly need it to take those next few steps forward. Because it is in prayer we realize that we aren't walking t-h-r-o-u-g-h it alone.




"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

The song you sing...

Matthew West has a great song called "Something to Say"... if you listen to contemporary Christian radio, I'm positive you've heard it. But, even if you have... take a moment to soak in these lyrics...


Wake up, 7:32 AM
Can’t believe it’s time to do it over again
Yesterday, it took all that you had
And you’re wondering if you’ll ever get it back
But the whole wide world is waiting for
Waiting for you to step out that door
Come on, and let your life be heard today

You’ve got something to say
If you’re living, if you’re breathing
You’ve got something to say
You know if you’re heart is beating
You’ve got something to say
And no one can say it like you do
God is love and love speaks through You

got it, you got it
You’ve got something to say

Listen up, I got a question here
Would anybody miss you if you disappeared
Well your life is the song that you sing
And the whole wide world is listening

Well the answer to the question is
You were created, your life is a gift
And the lights are shining on you today

I love the imagery here & it has me thinking about how my lifesong is sounding. If each day is like a note of music in 'my song'... am I using each one wisely, contributing to the overall harmony? Or, have I let it get a little off-key ("pitchy" as Randy would say on American Idol)?

I'm a little concerned that it's the latter. But, I'm not talking about being the super-saint who has her 'to-do list' for God that's a mile long.... 'cause I'm pretty convinced that's not what He wants from me.

Actually... I think it's very simple: the days that are off-key are the ones where I drop my gaze from following after His Son. Those are the days that I look instead to myself... my plans, my wants, my self-indulgences, my rights... me, me, me! (((OUCH!!))) Hear those sour notes?

But... when my eyes are on Him...

- in His Word

- in prayer

- allowing Him to direct my choices...

then... the song is beautiful! Not of my creation at all.... His!

Mr. West said it well... "God is love & love speaks through you!"

"The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him... " (Exodus 15:2)

Storing up treasures...

Like most of the world, it seems, I've discovered FaceBook lately.

If you're familiar with the site (or those like it)... then you've seen the extra 'applications' that are available for your account... mostly games, quizzes & such. I noticed that several of my online friends were playing a simulated farming game. It looked kind of cute & they seemed to be having fun... so I thought I'd try my hand at it.

As I began... it all seemed pretty silly.
"click" to plow...
"click" to plant...
"click" to harvest...
"click" to sell your harvest...
"click" to buy more seeds...
and so on... and so on...

The idea is to build your farming empire as you go. It all seemed kind of boring at first, but after a few rounds of planting & harvesting... I began to 'learn the ropes' a little better... and, yes... I started to get a little 'hooked'.

A peek inside the farm "store" opened up a world of 'farming' amenities: not just seeds to plant... but trees, animals, fences, scarecrows, water wells, ponds, silos... why, you can even aspire to have a cute little farm house or even (gasp!) the farm mansion! The more you work your farm, the better your buying power. You can create your own little farming UTOPIA!

Well, here it is a few days later, and... I'm on the brink of HUGE virtual-farming success! I've plowed, planted, & harvested numerous crops... worked my way up the farming levels.... and, banked up quite the tidy sum of virtual farming dollars!

While I've waited for crops to grow, I've even worked on other people's farm to earn extra money. I've worked, scrimped, planned & saved. I'm all set to expand the farm property (only 5 more levels to go & I'm there!) And, THEN.... that mansion will be in my sights!

What? What was that you just thought?? ...

"How foolish!"

"Why would you spend precious minutes of your life on something of no value?"

"How deluded are you?! None of that is real... you're not really building an empire!"

Well... yeah, those are pretty good points. I was just kinda thinking about that myself! The game is seriously pointless and does fritter away the time. But, let's go bigger-picture here.... what about the game we play everyday we call 'real life'?

We work, plan, scrimp & save in 'real life' too... but are we keeping an eternal perspective in mind? I'm not saying there is anything wrong with hard work... the Bible makes that clear.

But... if we took an honest look, would we see that we are striving to build our own little earthly utopia? For those of us calling ourselves Christ-followers... that is certainly not to be our focus in this life. See, it's pretty easy for me to admit that online game has no real value, but am I willing to be honest & say the same about many of the things I'm working for in real life? That has a little more 'ouch' factor to it!

I'm just wondering... if we could stand right now on the other side of this temporal existence... how many things would we see in our lives that would prompt those very same comments?

"How foolish!"

"Why would you spend precious minutes of your life on something of no value?"

"How deluded are you?! None of that is real... you're not really building an empire!"

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Matthew 6:19-21)

Out of the mouths of moms...

If you're a parent, maybe you recognize this feeling... where you are saying something directly to your children & God brings it right back to you for your Parent/child relationship with Him! It happened again today for me...

Earlier, I was in the kitchen with my little ones, ready to bake a batch of cookies. Typical of their demeanors lately... they were vying for 'top spot' every step of the way. Not in anyway new to the world... just our season to go through it.

So, here we are... trying to negotiate who will perform each step of the recipe... and I'm getting more weary of this 'fun' project by the second. My oldest keeps trying to jump ahead & "take care" of things before I instruct her to. I'm glad that she's at an age where she can anticipate what's next, but she's not mature enough yet to appreciate that I have a bigger plan. I want to include her little brother in key steps that he can manage alone. So, I say something like... "Please just wait for the instructions I give you. Don't get ahead of me."

There was remark #1 that caught my attention. So, now I'm thinking... do I try to 'jump ahead' of God because I'm convinced I know what's coming next? Do I miss out on His perfect plan, because all I can think about is the one I have? Perhaps I do. Maybe the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

And, then there's my son's issue the whole time we're working:
"What about me????" .... "Can I do that?" .... "What can I do?" .... "I wanted to do that!"

He was so focused on "winning" the next job, he wasn't enjoying the things he was getting to do. I looked him squarely in the eyes and said something like... "You are getting turns & you will have a few more... will you just trust me, please?

And, that was point #2 to consider... Am I so focused on what I want, that I'm not trusting that God will provide His best, in His time? Or... am I so wrapped up in getting that next thing... that I'm not enjoying what I have been given right now? Perhaps that apple doesn't fall far from the tree, either.

And, lest I decide to ignore these lessons & chalk them up as just random thoughts... here's one from a few days ago:

(me, to my kids:) If I am speaking to you, please stop what you're doing and pay attention!

(God, immediately inside my heart:) This is true for you, too, you know!