Praying...

Just checking back in on my little blog world... saying 'hi' to anyone dropping by. I glanced back at my last post & I'm having a moment of reflection on that. "First things first"... hmmm... How am I doing with that?

I do have a bit of a pessimistic nature, so my first thought is that it's not going all that well. Have I incorporated quiet time/prayer time/bible reading into every day's experience since that last writing. No.

But... :)

I am seeing some progress! I am trying SO hard to look at this 'big picture' style... and that gives me more comfort & frankly, more encouragement! I have had many days of great prayer time and I sense the Holy Spirit working... building & growing me, even if in small steps.

And, not by coincidence I believe, God led me to a new Bible Study at my church. The truth is - I really didn't pick it for the subject. For one thing, after quite a string of unfinished/incomplete studies in my past - I just felt the need to join a study, work on it every week AND make it to the finish line! Mostly, I'd say I was drawn to join more in an attempt to fellowship with other women in my church, to build upon relationships & perhaps make new ones. Plus, the timeslot was nice & convenient.

So, there you go... all those little duckies lined up nice & straight to make this one a 'do-able' choice. Strangely enough, I knew the title of the study... but I just didn't give it much thought.

So, anyway, I go sign up & get my workbook. Done... committed!

Flipping through it a few days later... uhhh... wow! It turns out that The Power of a Praying Woman is actually about improving MY prayer life!! Ohhh... she means... mine?

Now, I know you're impressed with my detective skills there... admit it! Honestly, I can't explain to you just how God worked that... but He did. As a teacher of 2-yr-olds, I recognize a CLASSIC toddler re-direction technique when I see it!! Or, should I say AFTER I see it, that is?!

Anyway, I'm feeling a little blindsided, but I'm not complaining in the least! Because, if I had really given much thought to what a study on MY prayer life would involve - I'm somewhat sure I might have avoided it. Now that I think about it... it sounds like it could be a little uncomfortable, doesn't it? A little stretching... a little growing... it might even require something painful like praying outloud... in front of people & everything! (gasp!)

See? He re-directed me away from the potentially harmful thoughts towards to more positive ones.... just like I might get a 2-yr-old to focus on an interesting toy if I saw her heading for a problem.

So, here I am... Week 2, Day 3. Obviously, I have a long way to go to meet that "completion" goal. But, I will say that I am connecting with this study in a huge way. I'm praying & reading scripture much more than before it started. A big focus on this initial part of the study has been (get this!) making time for time with God every day. It has spurred me into some really thoughtful prayer. And, truth be told, I'm starting to look forward to those moments I spend in the study. Not too bad, I'd say, for Week 2, Day 3!

Ok, so that's one way God has worked in my life in the last few weeks... but here's another....

I have felt an enormous weight in my heart for a specific situation & I'm experiencing a strong desire to pray about it... daily! In short, there is a little 18-month-old in our extended family that is battling her second round with cancer! I hope I am stating this carefully, so as not to be misunderstood... I feel like our God is the ultimate multi-tasker! I believe He has placed this dear child on my heart so that I can pray for her & her mom. I don't understand why, but for some reason God allows our prayers to be powerful! (His power, not ours!)

But, unlike me, He can accomplish multiple things with His Will and none of them suffer in quality! I feel like He has also placed this weight in my heart to pray for them... in order to draw me closer to Him. Because that's what's happening. As I *feel* a burdened heart for this little one, I pray... as I pray, I am drawing closer to Him. And, His Word holds a promise here...

"Draw near to God and He will draw near to you..." (James 4:8a)

Even as I type this, I'm just not sure that's going to come across right. I fear someone may read that and assume I think that the illness is for my benefit. I don't. All I can say is that I *know* I don't have the answers as to why tragic things happen... but I trust that He does. And, though I may get to see little glimpses of truth in a situation, I by no means see His whole picture.


So... back to "First things first".... I can definitely report that God is providing multiple ways for me to follow that New Year's resolution, offered to Him in prayer. Not in my power, but in His! I'm finding myself drawn to pray this verse often:


Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long. (Psalm 25:4-5)


I have to close for now, but I'm looking forward to sharing more about all this again soon! Thanks for stopping by! ~d

First things first...

Recently, I dug out my old workbook copy of "Experiencing God". Simply put, this was the most life-changing study I've ever attempted. Ironically, I almost skipped it because the title sounded insincere to me, as if God was something to be manipulated. It turns out, though, my impressions were wrong. Quite the opposite from my initial assumption, it's not about a method or formula... sentence after sentence, it points you towards relationship with God.

As I was re-reading last night, I came across a section that caught my attention. At a time when I'm contemplating the coming new year & possible resolutions... it had special relevance and gave me a bit of new perspective.

(excerpt from section entitled "Walking with God")

"I hear many persons say, "I really struggle to have that time alone with God." If that is a problem you face, let me suggest something to you. Make the priority in your life to come to love Him with all your heart. That will solve most of your problem with quiet time. Your quiet time is because you know Him and, therefore, love Him, not only in order to learn about Him."

OK... this seriously hit home with me... because having a consistent "quiet time" is something I've always desired, but always struggled at maintaining. It usually degrades into a 'check-off' item... and soon, it just stops. So, his thought here is intriguing to me... that a "quiet time" with God isn't a means TO relationship... it is a product OF relationship... a love relationship!

Hmmm....

Looking at it in this light... I can definitely say that I have been attempting to accomplish this as a discipline, in my own power. Perhaps... just perhaps, I have it out of order. Look again at Blackaby's suggestion: "...Make the priority in your life to come to love Him with all your heart."

He is simply pointing us towards the "Great Commandment":

(Matt 22:36-38) "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment."

Most of us might be familiar with this verse... but can we honestly say we make it our life's priority? Day in, day out.... PRIORITY... FIRST? How is it that, calling myself a servant of Christ, I would not put first the very thing commanded as such.

So... here I sit once again, typing & learning. When I came to write out this little thought I was having... I felt sure I would be writing about renewing my dedication to a 'quiet time' as my new year's resolution. But, somewhere among the keystrokes... it has become very clear to me that I am being called to focus on something so much more fundamental, so much more important... something from which all other things will flow.

I am being called to put 'first things first'... and that is my new year's resolution.

'Tis the Season...

So... are you busy yet? It's that time of year! Decorating, shopping, children's performances, family gatherings... all on top of a weekly schedule that's already full.


Lately, I almost always *feel* like I live on the very edge of my capabilities and even the least little thing can cause it all to topple over. I *feel* like I'm just bouncing from one obligation to the next. Most of the time, I just *feel* overwhelmed by it all. To be honest, the last few months have been spent exactly this way!


But, occasionally... if I STOP & consider it objectively for a moment... I catch a fleeting glimpse of the illusion. You see, I'm busy... but, I don't think I'm really all *that* busy! In those rare moments, I can see that it's more of a state of mind than a reality.... sort of like a switch that just gets left 'on'.

I was reminded of this little saying recently: "If the devil can't keep you sinning, he'll keep you busy." OK - right off the bat - I see a problem with the implied idea that someone might be sinless... but that's not really the point of the phrase, so I'll move on. The point being made is that 'busy-ness' can be used as a tool by Satan. In the midst of my hectic mindset - it gave me a bit of a pause.

There's no denying that our culture today encourages a non-stop lifestyle. It's like a merry-go-round... always in motion, but never really reaching a destination. The ride may be nice for a little while... but honestly, after a couple of rounds, I'm feeling pretty sick. So, too, my days leave me when that rush switch gets left 'on'. I may actually only have a few things on my schedule, but because I'm always focusing on the NEXT thing.... "NOW" gets wasted. At the end of the day, I'm left with a sense of regret & remorse at the time that has slipped by.

So, is this Satan's handiwork? Or, is it simply the result of my own bad choices? I'm guessing it's somewhere in between... maybe a trap that is laid out before me, but definitely my choice that triggers it. I may not know the exact cause... but I'm pretty sure I know where to turn for a solution.

The first scripture that comes to mind is the often quoted passage of Psalm 46:10: "Be still and know that I am God." I think we collectively yearn for this here in our hurried land... this call to "be still". I don't know about you... but to me it has a sound of greatly desired peace & tranquility. But, here's what I'm thinking: if I am having trouble finding the stillness, perhaps it's because I fail to heed the next few words... "know that I am God." You see, knowing that He is God means giving up my claim to being the god of my own little world. It means submitting daily (moment by moment, even) to His plan instead of charging ahead with my own. Knowing that He is God requires that I spend time in His Word & in prayer... not just seeking His guidance, but acting upon it, as well. If I take an honest look at my situation, I just might see that this hurried, hectic state of mind is the result of straying from God's lordship over my everyday life.

For the last couple of weeks, I've been bemoaning to a few of my friends the idea of another fast-paced Christmas season... wishing that I could find a way to make it more meaningful & truly joyous, but not quite sure how to make it happen.

As it turns out... maybe I do, after all!

Wishing you a Christmas season

filled with the blessings of

being still and knowing that He is God!

Appointments: a different perspective

In my last post, I tried to describe an experience I've been having lately. These little encounters with people where I get to see God working right in front of me... my spoken words, my physical presence - but His purpose, His power. I'm not describing some sort of "out of body" experience where I'm "taken over" by a supernatural force. No - it's just normal everyday kind of conversations, comments, gestures. Nothing brilliant or special on my part... but in His power, turned into something purposeful in someone else.

OK... so why am I exploring this again? Well, last night I was involved in just such an appointment. The difference being that I was on the receiving end! Let's see if I can do it any justice in explaining it...

Our Sunday evening church service was focused on the importance of testimony. I'll say without reservation that the three testimonies presented were POWERFUL! I was reminded just how important our personal witnesses are! We might hear testimonies from someone we don't know & be moved. But, how much more powerful to hear the straightforward, unpolished story of Christ's salvation in your neighbor's life! It was truly profound!

But, God wasn't finished. Our pastor then announced that we would *all* be sharing our testimony! I've spent my life carefully avoiding any such occasion... but I'll just say that God is doing a different work in me today. And, well... I'm slower. So, before I could make an escape - he asked us to reach out beside us & identify a testimony partner. As God would have it, I actually ended up without an immediate partner. But not far away I saw an acquaintance that was also without a partner - so I called out to her. Needless to say, God wasn't deterred in the least by the fact that we weren't sitting next to each other. Apparently, He was doing some appointment scheduling :)

Our assignment was to briefly share our testimony with each other. Truth be known, we have been working up to this on Sunday evenings & we were asked in previous weeks to begin writing out our testimony. In those seconds of getting situated with my partner, I was quite aware that I *should* have done that homework - because it now meant I would just be opening my mouth & hoping for something coherent to come out. Trust me, this is not my strength at all! Unlike my written words, spoken words lack the opportunity for review & edit - a process I dearly value! So... within seconds, I was talking - not sure exactly what would come forth. For me, that situation usually means too many words & disjointed thoughts come tumbling out. I am powerless to stop it!

I began to share with this sweet friend, trying to keep it as 'efficient' as possible. In a nutshell, my story is this: God has always been part of my awareness, someone I knew my family "believed" in... more as a matter of fact, not anything resembling relationship. Church attendance was sporadic & became more rare as I got older. But, what I know is this: At about age 12, alone, in my room one evening - I asked Jesus into my life. I have since spent much time questioning that experience - was it real? Was I really saved at that point? I can only tell you that I now have a firm & unshakable faith, that yes - I was saved at that point. But, I had no support system in which to grow & mature in my faith.

I went on to explain that although I accepted Christ's salvation at that early age - I spent over a decade living contrary to His lordship in my life. I made choice after choice (~sigh~ after choice!!) that could have (should have!) taken me into worldly strongholds. I was headed toward some of the very best pits the world has to offer. I don't think I ever completely forgot that God was there... I just chose to do things my own way. As I verbalized my thankfulness for His hand of protection during those years, I spoke aloud the long-standing question of my heart... why? I've marveled now for years that it was His hand protecting me... I've just never understood why! She was nodding, smiling... and said quietly: "because He loves you."

She had been a great 'active' listener... offering encouragement & expressing understanding words thus far. I continued with my testimony... detailing the point at which my life had taken a turn towards God, instead of continuing my path away from Him.

But, my thoughts were being pulled back to what she had just said... "because He loves you."

It began to flood my heart in a way that I just can't describe to you. It's a simple statement, right? I've had the privilege of hearing it hundreds (thousands?) of times, in many different ways... but in that moment, it was overwhelming in it's power. It was that missing piece to a puzzle... and, ironically, had been in full view all along. Why did He protect me during those 'desert years', as I like to call them?? Because He loves me! I am His child - as the father loved the prodigal son, so too does He love me... (and you, by the way!!) Undeserved, unmerited love!

So - now I'm not even sure what else I said... I think my mouth was on auto-pilot for the rest of my "turn". I was so focused on this revelation happening within my heart. And, even now I worry that you're thinking... "That's it?? She just said that God loves you?? All of *this* to just describe that someone said God loves you??"

Yep, that's pretty much it!

... but, that brings me back to the idea of "the appointment". I don't mean to underestimate my friend's contribution, but I suspect that it was just an unplanned little comment - nothing very deliberate - just part of the conversation. Four simple little words, uttered as encouragement... but God using them powerfully in someone else's heart.

"Appointment" defined!

Watching for the next appointment...

Do you ever get "stuck" on a word... one that just keeps popping up in your speech & in your thoughts? I don't mean the current popular "catch phrase" that you hear everywhere you go... I'm thinking more personal in nature. For me, this usually has a connection to a spiritual concept that is being built upon or worked out from within... a theme that just keeps showing up for a season of time. I attribute this to God's Holy Spirit at work - growing me, teaching me.

Right now, my word is "appointment". Usually, when I use the word 'appointment', it isn't within the context of something exciting... doctor appointment, car service appointment, dentist appointment, etc, etc. I suppose some of you out there may actually have *fun* appointments, but in my world - appointments are generally just something to check off the list, not something to look forward to.

But, lately the idea of an 'appointment' has taken on a really different feeling for me. I'm not sure where this use of the word first crept into my thought process, but I suspect it is from a book or bible study in my past. So, just for the record, I am not trying to pass this concept off as my own. The idea itself isn't new to me - just it's application in my own life.

You see, I've recently had the incredible privilege of having some God-scheduled "appointments" with people. Encounters where I get to see God working through me in a particular moment. I'm not the power at work, I am very simply the means of delivery. When electricity travels from it's source to turn on the light, the wiring doesn't really do anything... it's just there, right? Well, that's me: I'm not the power at work, I'm just there.

Now, don't get me wrong here... I haven't rescued anyone from a burning building or anything nearly so dramatic. What I have witnessed, though, is God at work through some normal, everyday kind of events: a conversation, an off-hand invitation to church, an email. In my own power, these are just "blips on the screen" in everyday life. But, in God's power?? It's an amazing transformation. He has taken my simple (most of the time, down-right clumsy!) words & actually used them to have meaning for someone else. It might be tempting to think of these as 'small' events - not worthy of much attention. But, our God is purposeful - His every act has value. To be included in even the 'smallest' way? What a tremendous blessing!

I want to be careful to say again that these are not MY appointments... the way I see it, my job is to just keep my eyes on Him. If I start trying to do it in my own power - like Peter, I'll just start sinking! So, I keep reminding myself that the "who, what, when, where" - those are all His details to handle. Honestly, that stuff is way too overwhelming for me anyway... I'm very thankful it's not my job to coordinate all of that. So, my prayer is very basic: that I will choose to make myself available by staying in prayer, that I will have eyes to see where He is leading me... and that I will choose to follow, even when it's not convenient or easy.

In the meantime, I will be waiting, watching & hoping for that next appointment...

Our Beautiful Texas Hill Country...

We really enjoyed our visit with our dearest friends this past weekend. They get to enjoy this beauty every day just by walking outside...

A New Season...

You may be thinking I'm a little off in my timing. Even though here in Texas, it *feels* like Fall has just begun... it's still practically mid-season on the calendar.

But, the calendar season isn't what I mean. I'm referring to a season of God's work in my community, my church, my family, and my own heart. Much like the fall just seems to 'suddenly arrive' each year... this spiritual season has caught me almost by surprise.

Each year, as I begin to notice those vibrant reds & oranges of falltime - they always seem 'new' somehow... like they have never been quite *that* color! So, too, am I seeing God's work around me... it almost seems like it's never been quite *that* perfect in it's orchestration.

But, I remind myself... His work has always been perfect, and it will always be so. His work is not new. He does not change.

But, oh! How thankful I am that He brings change in ME! And, today, I am thankful for this refreshed appreciation of His unchanging nature. Just like the crisp, cool breeze I felt outside today - this "new" adoration of Him is not generated by me. It is purely His work... His gift!

And, what a sweet, sweet gift... not only getting to witness His work around me & in me, but adding that extra touch of appreciative joy to accompany it ... it's almost like seeing His work for the first time.

I will praise you, LORD, with all my heart and tell about the wonders you have worked.

God Most High, I will rejoice; I will celebrate and sing because of you. (Psalm 9:1-2)