Friday, October 7, 2011

Overwhelmed

The following blog entry was posted over at www.faithinbetween.com a few weeks ago... it finally dawned on me that I should at least get blog credit here, too! After all, I do have that twice-a-year blog quota to live up to... ;)


When Brittany first asked me to share a few thoughts with you here… I was thrilled! The very process of assembling words together is just one of those ways God wired me to experience enjoyment… I can get lost in it. For hours! Sometimes, though, the process can be a bit painful as God uses it to reveal a particular problem that needs attention. This particular project turned out to be one of “those” times.

As I mentioned, I started off with excitement, but after a few days of contemplation and a smattering of prayer, I found myself just staring at that blank page on my screen… wondering why in the world I had even thought I should do this. I had absolutely nothing to share! And, worse… now I was ‘stressing’ over it. If you’ll forgive the breach of grammar, I’m going to give that feeling a special name for a moment: overwhelmedness.

I do not welcome overwhelmedness… but, it has been visiting me quite a bit lately. It produces very tangible, physical symptoms… racing thoughts, muscle tension, and a stressful sensation that just seems to radiate from within my core. It feels very much like a switch that gets turned on without my consent. But, how can that be? I mean, I’ve memorized Philippians 4:6-7 and everything! When Paul says “Be anxious for nothing…” he seems to imply I have a choice in the matter. If it’s happening on a sub-conscience level… where’s the choice? I’ll just admit it plainly to you… I’ve had an argumentative tone with God on this one.

(I don’t recommend that position!)

And, just like that (did you hear the finger snap?) … sitting here, staring at the blank screen, it hit me. Instead of bemoaning this overwhelmedness & searching for ways to escape it, I should think of it in a different way.

Picture this movie setting with me:

we’re in the heart of the nuclear reactor control room. The employees are working frantically at their computer screens to save the world from the horrors of a nuclear meltdown. Red lights are flashing and that mind-piercing, pulsating, buzz-siren (used in every movie scene like this) is going off. Can you hear it? Can you feel that sound vibrating through your body?

…that’s what overwhelmedness is! It’s that warning sound… signaling that danger is imminent. Imagine how absurd it would seem in the movie… watching the employees scramble & fuss over how to shut down the siren, ignoring the fact that there was a reason it was going off. They turn off the siren… and it comes back on. They turn it off again… and it comes back on. It would almost be laughable, right? Except for the part where the meltdown actually happens and all is lost!

…Oh!

Ouch! I’m not the only one seeing this, right? That’s pretty much what I’ve been doing… just trying to shut down the siren - never even realizing that there might be a reason for it!

So… if this overwhelmedness is really just a warning… then, what is the danger it is alerting me to? As I contemplated the word ‘overwhelm’, a clue emerged from within the definition. (yes, I *am* a word-nerd… I’m good with it, let’s just move on!)

Somewhere at the root of this word is the idea of something being toppled & destroyed, as if by a big wave. Overcome. Overpowered.

Hmm… let’s walk through this, then: This increasingly frequent anxiety I’ve been feeling is a warning. I believe it is warning me that something is in danger of being overcome or toppled. But, what is that something?

I think it’s me!

Here’s why: I profess Christ as Savior and Lord in my life. Claiming Him as my Lord means that I give Him control of my life… He is in charge. If that is an active, ongoing reality in my life… all is safe! There will never be a wave that could overcome Him! It. can. not. happen!

But, here’s the thing: Although God is all-powerful, He doesn’t use that power to establish rule of our lives. He gives us free will to choose. If I usurp His seat of authority in my life (you know, take charge of things myself!)… guess who is going down? That would be me! I’m no match for the smallest of waves… much less the rolling, churning waves of stormy seas!

Wow. I just didn’t see this one coming at all!

So, as abruptly as this process started, it ends the same. For now… I’m just sitting with these thoughts and thinking through what changes I need to make… identifying the areas of my life where I have ‘taken charge’. The fact that He has brought me here to share this process with you tells me that some of you may be dealing with similar issues. If so, I would love to hear what thoughts have been stirred within you... ~d